Amber-Alert

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2010-02-03T01:37:00.000-05:00

hola...

it really amazes me how much i used to be into blogging....and now...not so much.

i thought abt deleting this blog but i think ive got some pretty good shit right hurrr...some of it i prolly would NOT wanna re-read but good shit nonetheless.

i am at a completely and utterly different place in my life than i was 1 year ago. good and bad.

i dont think i could organize my thoughts into a real blog post. i apologize for my lack of effort.

im still alive and kicking tho if anyone was wondering lol.

holla at yall in another 6 months or so. brr.

oops

2009-08-05T17:38:00.003-04:00

i missed my "blogaversary"...oops. it was on aug 1st and here it is aug 4th...sigh.

as i think back over the past year i realize somthin simple....the more things change the more they stay the same...

so while there have been a lot of changes in my life a lot has remained the same or come full circle in a way...

my mind wonders/wanders on a lot...

i cant divulge too much on here i just try to give the basics and let yall kno im still breathin lol

hope yall enjoyin the new music

holla

well well well

2009-07-26T23:40:00.004-04:00

just checkin in...i kno i throw this blog a lot of shade (hell the whole blogosphere for real) but im still here...still alive and kickin lol hope yall are aight.

random....what is it that makes a person so uncomfortable abt being written abt in a blog (given that theres no names used or anything)...

i need to update my playlist...

oh yea yall need to go see that movie the orphan...shits CRAZY!!! lmao i aint neva adopting no kids ok!!! lol lol!

4 score and 7 years ago

2009-06-29T17:21:00.003-04:00

i mentioned this on twitter today but....

7 years ago today i was overdue, fat, and miserable lol. i was due on june 24th but didnt end up having my daughter til july 4th. funny thing is after my dude date came and went i was soooo dead set against having her on the 4th i thought it was soooo corny and dumb but afterwards i thought it was awesome and played with some name changes....america, liberty, etc lol well that didnt happen but i still think holiday bdays are way cool...matter fact if i ever have anymore children im gonna plan to have them all on holidays or special days like valentines day hehe.

i kno some of my fellow bloggers are pregnant (yay) and i just wanna say dont be worried abt labor...it happens its painful but soon becomes a distant memory after your little one is safely here :)

ok...quick recap of my labor story...

so i was due on june 24 which was like a wednesday back in 2002 (yikes) and nothing...that sat comes and i get up out the bed and feel a splash im like ok thats weird did my water break but it wasnt like a waterfall or nothing like u see on tv so i was like whatever and then i didnt go into labor or anything so i was like double whatever...that tues i have a drs appt. im over dude clearly and tell her that its possible my water broke but she dismisses me sayin thats impossible cuz i would have gone into labor (ok fineeeee). but since im overdue she wants me to get a stress test to make sure everything is ok. so i walk down the hall and get the test down so while they are performing the test its a lot of hmmmms from the technician or dr whatever. finally they're like uh ur amneotic fluid is dangerously low so u must go to labor and delivery immediately. so i go into a panic...just a completel panic like omg is everything ok am i having the baby today im not ready etc. fast forward...i was given pitocin to activate my labor and things started to move quickly then they broke my water to discover she had a bowel movement in the womb (very dnagerous) so my labor gets going (hurts like hell) and i get to 4 centimeters and request the epidural asap. after like 3 attempts by the intern i was like wtf bitch u tryin to paralyze me the real dr took over and i got my epidural great. next thing i kno im stalled. its been like 24 hrs since i was admitted and i get to 4 centimeters and stop so that night they are like its been ovr 24 hrs the baby is stressed and u arent progressing so u need to think abt a c-section. i start crying out of control. after the fact i have no idea why i was sooo upset but i guess i had this idea of how everything was gonna go and it was like the complete opposite. soooo after talkin to my mom and other immediate family members (it was like 20 ppl there by the way on the way out the operating room one of the nurses was so pissed she was like i feel like im in a damn parade lol). anyway im like i dont wanna do this anymore lets just get to cutting. so i get in the operating room i get more drugs then they like can u scoot ovr to the operating table...uh no how bout i cant feel my fuckin legs so they kinda lift my fat ass ovr and then i get sick and throw up (from the meds. throwing up on ur back is horrible and i was embarassed like shit. but the anethesialogist was sooo nice i'll nvr forget how he rubbed my face during and after me vomiting lol lol. so anyway they cut me open and i see her im like ooooo ahhhh but im so fuckin out of it im like whatever. so finally after a lot of blood loss and things (from me not her lol) i get back to my room and im completely done and im all pale and dead lookin and drunk off meds and nodding off while im tryin to hold my daughter and they are like i can only have 1 visitor at a time cuz i was so sick ugh. sleep...and the next day was better lol. but i could nvr evr get the breastfeeding thing down...i did pump for like 6 weeks tho..a hell of a chore but well worth it. oh and sidenote...b/c my amenotic fluid was so low she didnt breathe in any of the bowel movement or meconium as its technically called which can get stuck in the babies lungs and stuff. so it all worked out and we are all still alive and well lol.

whew...ok so there it is...hope u enjoyed and if u didnt read it all the way screw u...im joking!!!!

sooooo while u guys are enjoying ur 4th of july bbqs and things this weekend think of my lil girl light a sparkler for her lol shes turning 7 awwww and shes just the cutest lil thing...future picasso and all that lol.

its just emotions (takin me overrrrr)

2009-06-23T12:35:00.002-04:00

oh thats fitting with the beyonce concert tomorrow now aint it lol....

so ive been very sad lately...usually when i have thoughts abt my mom i just try to push them away cuz i get all sad and weepy but yesterday i had a conversation with someone and my feelings were just put on front street and i got ridiculously upset.

i dont usually acknowledge my feelings i try to tuck them away and then hide behind my anger cuz that feels safe for me. i just think anger is like one of the easiest emotions to exhibit...and its clearly a defense mechanism for a lot of people.

anyway thru this conversation it suddenly dawned on me that i lost just abt everyone that i was close to very unexpectedly and at the same time. the reason this sucks so bad is cuz the people i would normally turn to to help me cope and get some persepctive were all gone. and to make shit even worse some i'll nvr get back and those i have gotten back i kno that it will never ever be the same. i dont kno which is worse...loosing someone and never being able to get them back or loosing someone just to get them back and see that the relationship is just a shell of what it once was. i dunno.

and ive just been beefing so hard with people and trying to deal with my mom i just fucking feel emotionally drained...completely. i just dont even have any energy to give to anyone (well maybe like 2-3 people especially my lil bonitastar lol).

and i feel bad for feeling like this cuz i dont wanna take anything away from all the people who have supported me thru all this but its just different.

my life just feels like a tragic drama...catharsis yes thats the word.

moveeeee bitch

2009-06-17T11:00:00.002-04:00

ok so i FINALLY moved lol. i got the apartment that i wanted in the area that i wanted and im pretty pleased with the outcome of everything. i was sooo dreading packing and moving (the actual work of it all) and waited til the last minute but i had so many people come thru and help i couldnt even complain and there was nooooo drama whatsoever :) so now we all have our own rooms lol i no longer have to get kicked and slapped by my wild sleepin ass child and my lil bro doesnt have to sleep in a room with pink, hearts, and flowers every damn where.....now if only we could get this cable together...MAJOR SIGH...i cant get my cable hooked up til next week and i am really dying. no cable and no freakin internet.

the best thing about movin tho is that all the mothafuckas that knew where i lived but no longer needed to know WONT lol and if i dont fuck with u then u aint comin in my shit....ahem babydaddy...

on another note today is the last day of school here in va sooooo that means EVERYONES summer can officially begin lol...the lil girl is being shipped off to her father/grandparents for the summer and my bro is headed to his grandparents for like the next month aye aye aye!!!! where the party at yall hahahaha!!!!!

obsessed

2009-06-08T12:32:00.002-04:00

i got stalkers yall!!! its bad enough i gotta deal with my baby daddy's antics but now i got these hatin ass bitches cyber stalkin my ass on my blog and twitter lol lol...damn shame. i mean they openly admit to checking my blog and twitter page!!! i always thought that once u were done with someone u were done! i do not check for them in any way shape or form...do not ask about them, do not talk about them unless some shit goes down, and do not care about them. see when i told them back in JANUARY (yes 6 months ago) that i was over them and never wanted to be their friends again i meant that shit but for some reason i dont think they took it seriously.

the thing about stalkers is they dont want u to be happy with anyone else...they become obsessed with what ur doin and attempt to make ur life without them miserable. the only thing is ive never been better lol and thats the hardest pill for a stalker to swallow. for them to see u movin on hurts...

now ive talked about this situation sooo many times and never gave the full story...what happened was my good good friend (at the time)...lets call her thing 1...got upset because one of the many dudes that shes fucked over the years tried to holla at my cuz. my cuz being the person she is reached out to this bitch even tho she didnt have to cuz they werent friends and asked if it was cool. thing 1 says "do u". so my cuz proceeds with her life business as usual. that one text sparked so many emotions in thing 1 that she couldnt sleep that night (lol) and when she got to work the next morning she sent out a scathing email to myself and 4 other chicks that had nothin to do with nothin callin my cuz a desperate bitch (just to sum it up). that 1 email has spun into a beef that now emcompasses like 10 people.

on sat while i was gettin my hair done they were doin what they do on a saturday checkin my twitter page (lames!) and saw that i was at the salon and talkin shit abt them weak miserable ass bitches because every time i go to get my hair done the shit is brought up and im fuckin sick of it. as i said before GO SOMEWHERE ELSE BITCH! why u ask??? because u get laughed out before u come to the salon, while u at the salon, and after u leave the salon lol...id be embarassed but again these bitches have no shame. like she came to the salon to prove a point and did nothing got laughed out by my friend who hasnt liked this bitch since 2000...lets call her lil bit cuz shes every bit of 90 pounds. so lil bit gets laughed out in the salon by not 1 but 2 people and says nothing. all the cronies gather at thing 1's ghetto ass apartment and the best thing they could come up with was oo lets post something on her facebook wall. lol lol then lil bit aint even have the guts to post nothin they hyped thing 1 up as usual to do their dirty work and she got put out there lol...

all i wanted to kno is what kind of a trifling ass bitch fucks random as niggas while her kids are sleeping in the same bed??? i just wanna kno cuz thats the nastiest shit ive ever heard lol so thats why my i made the severe facebook status change cuz i was over it. my thing is...if she aint have such a nasty ass attitude these dudes she fuckin wouldnt be so quick to throw her under the damn bus. i mean i seen this dude at a club and once i said i aint fuck with her no more he couldnt wait to talk about how fucked up her attitude was how bad her kids were and even recanted a story of how they used to fuck in the bed at her moms house while her kids were in the same bed and one time he accidently reached over and touched one of the boys legs and he was done. i mean these are the kinds of tragic storylines that makes up these bitches lives. and this all happened last year mind u...and her kids are not fuckin babies. so i lost all respect for that bitch...i mean the very little i had left. u see now why they miserable right??

at this point theres no more talkin. honestly i owe these bitches like 3 ass whoopins and i been givin out free pass after free pass tryin to be diplomatic but im done. twitter is on lock now cuz i just cant have them all in my bizz thinkin they can be a part of my life...no ma'am. as far as this blog im sure they will continue to check it and eventually ima have to go private.

and fyi bitches if u readin ima keep talkin shit til one of u bitches shuts me up...which will never happen holla.

i feel sorry...

2009-06-03T01:08:00.007-04:00

...for the people who have yet to come to the realization that they are no longer relevant to me. see im kinda big on loyalty so when i feel like a person has crossed me i take it real serious...even when it wasnt meant to be that way. just 2 name a few.....

i particularly feel sorry for my daughters father. even tho i make a huge joke out of that situation if u kno me then u kno that im just the type of person who has to find the humor in just about every situation. but i mean based on his actions he must still think theres hope for us when in reality theres not even a glimmer...and that scares me. i cant even be nice to this man without him thinkin that we are back to being the best of friends. i dont get how a person can fuck with u and do so much damage and think they are just supposed to come around like nothin happened. especially when they havent even tried to rectify the damage they caused lol. this guy buys an rv and when hes showing me around we get to the kitchen area and hes like oh this is ur area blah blah and im like did he buy this envisioning a bunch of family road trips and kum-ba-yahs around a camp fire?? whats worse is that after all these years he hasnt changed. hes still up to his same antics lol...i can just read his ass all over the place lol.

and theres another person im not gonna directly get into but something happened in their life and because they couldnt lash out at the person who directly caused their problem (and of course introspect and taking responsibilities for ones actions is completely out of the question) they lashed out at me and we didnt speak for a few months...but then when they feel a little vindicated in their situation they want to call and ask how ive been how the children are etc and im blown away because im like u werent tryin to check on no one when u were in ur feelings but now u tryin to get back in??? i look at it like this...my mom died not too long ago...i mean it kinda feels like it was a long time ago because its summer and things have been settled and everything but in reality its only been about 3 months so while u were in ur feelings u aint give a damn about how i was doing how i was making out or whatever so at this point what kind fo response am i supposed to give??

i really really do not get it.

but i kinda am over it.

which makes me sad.

yet at the same time happy.

bigger fish to fry.

but guess what...i rode a mechanical bull today lmao

and i got thru this whole post without 1 cuss word...

FUCK

ok strike that lol.

anyway i kno i have lost and gained and retained followers and if ur still here i thank u kindly...

oh and one for the road...cuz i kno yall wanna see when my ass fell off the bull...fyi my hair was flawless before during and after ha!

how i feel

2009-05-19T16:12:00.002-04:00

so my last blog post sparked a funny ass conference call the very next day requesting a meeting...caught me off guard cuz i aint catch the number and i was sitting at my desk at work takin care of all the important things...u kno like updating my twitter page?? anyway i had a blog post written and saved in the drafts section callin these bitches out on all their lies n things but then i thought FOR WHAT???? ive cussed them out multiple times and MOVED ON...i deleted them from my life in more ways than 1 lol i mean i dont even have these chicks phone numbers anymore (why they still have mine is an awesome question...in addition to why they still read my blog). honestly i just wanna thank them cuz since they pulled the stunts they did that got them deleted ive made room in my life to meet and connect with some fuckin awesome people and reconnect wit some pretty damn cool people too. im out im havin fun im doin me so its like they are a waste of fuckin space on this blog and any other place i think of!

i just find it funny that they talked abt me on facebook they talked abt me to other ppl (to which i got random ass facebook IMs) but yet have a problem when i talk abt them on my damn blog! lol! people truly amaze me!

but im fuckin tired of talkin abt them...i think ive said all i can and need to say on this. i'll just give this last warning...tread lightly cuz a bitch is on some thin ass ice and i aint fuckin playin! try me if u dont believe me...lol!

so on that note....this will be the last blog post regarding these tired ass bitches (unless something really really really major happens...which i doubt lmao c'mon look who we talkin abt here).

i think ima be makin this blog private soon seeing as how i cant talk abt the shit i really wanna talk abt due to all the nosey prying ass eyes! i think thats probably 1 of the reasons i rarely update lol...

but feel free to follow me on twitter....shitloads of fun goin on over there lol lol

peace

stay in ur lane LAME

2009-05-12T12:21:00.003-04:00

so the funniest thing happened to me on sat...i went to get my hair done and was out (wash, dried, and styled) in under 2 hrs. why is this funny? cuz most black women kno that gettin ur hair did can be an all day event....at the least u lookin at a good 3 hrs at the shop lol. whats even funnier is the reason i was rushed out lol...cuz one of the lame dry ass bitches that we have all come to kno and love here and here had an appointment later that day and MY hairdresser said her nerves wouldnt have been able to stand the fuckery that would have occured had our paths crossed so she rushed me out with the quickness lol. but heres a real question...why not find a new stylist?? oh i forgot...thats part of what makes u a dry ass bitch lol.

i mean i kno its only a matter of time before i run into either of the 2 that im gunning for. i actually saw one chick out the group like 2 weeks ago at a party...and even tho shes the one who started this whole dumb whack petty ass beef im completely OVER her. why?? because shes angry and dont kno better plus shes lame lol all the shit she talked behind screens and phones and i see her in REAL LIFE and she does nothin but look uncomofortable and talk on her phone the whole time lmao. maybe she got the memo that i got some absolutely disturbing and dusgusting news about her and that i would have NO problem putting her on blast in front of a crowd...either way sitting there and keeping her mouth shut was the best move shes made in all of 2009! lol! i reallyyyyy wish to share this story with yall but i dont want anyone to kno abt it prematurely lol. stay in ur lane LAME!

now the other 2...the reason i WILL be sayin something to them is because they always do the most! as many times as i cussed these bitches out and i get NO response they go on a facebook page i cant see and try to go on me...and quite honestly i wanna kno which one of these bitches would really kick my casket over lol in particular the one that looks like a lil 13 year old BOY lol but yea everything gets back to me hunny...and in light of the tragedy i had suffered not even a month before these comments were made shall result in an immediate bitch slap! ok, u've been warned. smooches!

clears throat

2009-05-11T18:21:00.003-04:00

i'll be back....got fuckery to write about and been meaning to post but twitter has me on lock

i shall return shortly...

TAGGED!!!

2009-05-05T16:45:00.003-04:00

i was tagged by miss AM but dont worry i wont tag none of yall its just for fun :)

8 things im lookin forward to:

* the summer
* gettin some good head
* gettin some good dick
* moving
* the beach
* the future (and whatever it may bring)
* the day when ppl grow tha fuck up
* the end of this work day

8 things i did yesterday:

* woke up (thank u Lord)
* got smoked at work for leavin early one day last week
* talked shit on twitter (and got blocked by erykah badu)
* made tacos
* dropped my child off at school
* picked my child up from school
* brushed my teeth (extremely important)
* washed my ass (also extremely important)

8 things i wish i could do:

* be a multi-millionaire
* never work a 9-5 AGAIN
* travel the world
* never age
* be famous
* tolerate a puppy
* sit on a beach right this instant
* find a jennie in a lamp

8 shows i watch:

* greys anatomy
* desperate housewives
* brothers & sisters
* RW/RR challenge
* the hills
* real housewives
* project runway
* house hunters

ok and there u have it...feel free to fill this out urself...much harder than it looks lol

oohhh baby youuuu...

2009-04-30T15:40:00.003-04:00

i think ive come to the conclusion that men and women are NOT capable of being straight up platonic friends lol...no let me take that back cuz i do have ONE guy friend who is just a straight up friend hes not interested in me and im not interested in him and NO hes not gay lol. hes cool and the shit that went down this past week made me appreciate him just that much more lol.

so i started conversating with a guy on twitter and facebook one day last week...nothin serious just makin jokes and chattin back n forth. hes on blogger hes probably reading this and those who follow us of twitter are gonna kno who im talkin bout but i could care less. from the moment i saw his facebook profile i was well aware that we would never be more than friends lol. not to be rude but i didnt find him attractive...im sure someone does just not me. so immediately im like friend it is...i didnt need to meet him, didnt need to get to kno him further, nothin...that was it. aint abt me judging him, not being able to step outta my box, or thinkin too hard...the decision was made immediately.

so we agree to go clubbin together...fine. then he starts talkin bout how we need to get together before hand to hang out and get to kno each other...um WHY?? so i use the age old excuse...oh i dont hang out too much during the week cuz i got my daughter with me. so hes like u can bring her...fuck they do THAT at?? like uh excuse me but no thanks i'll pass...

friday comes he meets up wit me and we go back to my apt to get dressed...my lil bro is a tad confused but is like whatever lol...now the whole night hes askin me for hugs and shit and im like ok i guess...hugs are cool ya kno?? so we chillin and then i take him home and crash...

next day i was sick so hes like u want me to come keep u company im like ok i guess and since i wasnt tryin to be alone with him i beggggg my cuz to come over wit us...

now let me explain something here...as far as facebook, twitter, and the like are concerned this dude is live, exciting, funny, etc yet in person hes NONE of that...NONE. hes dry as HELL like just reaching to make jokes while me and my cuz continue to trade funny looks lmao. anyway the whole night hes like give me a hug can he sleep with me etc (no!) so everyone spends the night but my cuz gets up and leaves early (asshole) so we like chillin and all of a sudden this MF tries to start takin pics of me....HUH???? so im like im ghost im going to sleep in my room lol i wake up a lil later and take him to the train station...like 5 mins later theres a random twit like i miss her already...ok why are u doin this...10 mins later i get a random text like i want u and i want more than friends...what does that mean i ask?? he says that meanshe wants a relationship but since im a self titled relationship phobe we can have a relationship w/out the title....um whaaaat??? lemme explain something...this dude is 5 foot even, 22 yrs old but looks 17, still lives at home, and has no vehicle...fuck ima do wit that??? plz somebody explain am i supposed to go out lookin like im fuckin babysittin?? i mean this dude would have been better suited as my lil bro's new homie not my fuckin man...get tha fuck outta here!!!!

so for some strange reason this convo continued on twitter and that caused a fuckin mess...like all these people got involved and we all ended up blocked from his twitter and facebook page lol. well we did fry tha shit outta him but still...petty shit YOUNGIN!!!

anyway i end this story to say this...men (boys) dont push ur luck...learn how to read body language, and catch hints. if u aint gettin the greenlight from a chick just leave it alone. like if u say once that u want a relationship and u get a lukewarm response...LEAVE IT BE!!! u keep pushin and u WILL end up gettin leant on!!! and i dont feel like a bitch for doin it...i told him i wanted to ONLY be friends and he simply refused to accept what i was sayin!! ughhhhhh!!!!!!!

more to come on my distain for the male species soon lata!!

and i apolgize for the lack of reading and commenting on yall's blogs...i see i lost some followers lol bear with me people!!!!!

twitter the anti-blog

2009-04-27T02:00:00.003-04:00

so ive come to realize that the correct reason i havent been blogging much as of late is because of TWITTER! yes twitter oh the countless hours u have entertained me with so many random ass conversations about nothing and all the new friends from near and far....u've almost replaced facebook...ok i said almost...

the reason being is this...why should i write countless blog posts when i am constantly updating people on my goings-on every single day on twitter...especially when like 99.9% of the bloggers who frequent my page (and mine theirs) are also on twitter twittering??? doesnt make too much sense right? so why write to write to write to write?? does that make sense lol...

one thing i will say about the "internets" (lol) it connects people and is a great tool but i believe it is being misused...why do i say that? well quite honestly i believe that most people use the internet to create the lives and personas they wished they had in real life...which is lamer than lame. like they way i portray myself here, facebook, twitter, etc is all me. every story i tell is real every word i say is exactly how and what i would say in real life im witty im an ass i aint shit and i bring my own wind (slight inside joke) but its the real me and if u meet me in person thats what u get. im an entertaining person and i enjoy that...i dont need to hype myself up and try to be something that im not so therefore it annoys the hell outta me when i see people who do. for real i would love to meet some people just to see if they can live up to the hype lol (trust ive been let down before)...and all this im the ish get money bottle poppin bullshit lol sit down lames u turnin me off somethin serious!!

ps...i of course went to see obsessed this weekend and first couple of scenes i was like wowwww what a fuckin WASTE but the movie was actually pretty good and bey did her thing...wasnt oscar performance material or nothin but she was pretty believable as the character she had some fire with her...my only problem...idris elba that no facial hair look?? hellz no and thats for any black man...no no no i cant agree with that and did anyone else notice he had that denzel washington accent on lock for like the whole fuckin movie??? ok im done for real this time lmao.

im back...again...

2009-04-16T23:22:00.005-04:00

so i probably should be workin on my final exam...yay finalssss...but im not im here and im gonna talk abt bebe...

so im surprised that ive lasted this long working a) a part-time job when i have a full time job and 2 children that im looking after and in grad school and b) a retail job at that. ive always had issues with retail like with petty managers and shit but i happen to like almost everyone i work with, made some great friends, and of course a fab discount...so im stickin in there...

i swear tho it seems like every damn time i work some hilarious shit goes down...the other day one of the managers got smoked by this one lady and turns out the bitch was "mall phobic" and if its not obvious what that means shes afraid of...MALLS! lmaoooooo ok no i felt bad for her but mall phobic? wtf and she was ghetto and was soooo pissed but it was all because she was nervous and wanted to get in and out as quickly as possible but couldnt...again wtf lol...then tonight this fuckin gay ass biggie smalls lookin dude and im sooo serious he was this big black ass MF but he was CLEARLY GAY. so hes buying this dress and goin on and on bout how he wants a discount so im laughin and hes like stops and stares at me and hes like are u black and white and im like no so that starts a whole conversation abt my racial background and then he gives me his number (cuz hes signing up for club bebe of course lmao) and the last 4 digits of his number is 6666 and im like are u serious and hes like yea give me a call sometime to which i laugh/snort at cuz like i said CLEARLY GAY...anyway im like yea ok and hes like yea im for real call me...even tho i normally dont do light skin girls...to which i completely scoff at cuz im like this dude is a total ass...he then turns around and harasses the girl behind him and she smokes him so as he passes her in leaving her pretends like hes gonna back hand her. i almost fell the fuck out lmaooooo then he leaves comes back and stands in the door and comes back in to ask this other girl that works there if shes mixed lmao issues man lol hell he prob asked her out for coffee too!!! lol lol lol....ahhh bebe you have provided me with so much laughter over the months. and can i just tell u this one manager that was there last week has this long as weave ponytail that came down to her ass but she HAS NO EDGES!!!!!!!!!!! yes the edges of her hair are completely DONE due to wearing fucked up ass weaves all the damn time.

oh yea i need to find a new place to live...which is proving to be more difficult and more time consuming than i anticipated lol...plz wish me luck on that lil issue. and its not cuz of anything bad i just need a bigger place :)

last but not least do yall think a 15 year old should have an ipod touch lol cuz thats what my lil bro requested for his 15th bday...which is on sat...

neglect.....

2009-04-13T00:30:00.006-04:00

is a horrible horrible thing!!! call child protective services on my ass cuz i been neglecting my lil baby (my blog of course!!!!) anyway between facebook, twitter, and the "real world" i have not been writing like i once was...hopefully not for long tho...thx for all the lovelyyyy comments on my vacay pics too and oo i changed up my look a lil bit too...enjoy...

good lord...2 in 1 day????

2009-03-30T15:49:00.014-04:00

more from the mind of ame....

im thinkin bout keeping a journal...even tho i wanna write more i cant because of privacy issues...and i dont wanna lock this blog down and i think having 2 blogs could be a bit much but idk yet...

anyway while i contemplate on that, here are some pics from the vacation...dont like putting my friends on here but the whole shebang is on facebook as usual lol

our view from the hotel in the bahamas...dont hate lol...

gettin a foot rub by big john on the beach lol....still convinced he was lookin up my dress outside at the atlantis....
inside the atlantis...look at my tatssssss
our last nite in the bahamas...
me in miami wit my barbie doll steez on LOCK lol lol...

the end!!

hope u enjoyed :)

hit me if u wanna be my friend on facebook....if u dare lol

im bizzack...

2009-03-30T11:06:00.002-04:00

i might write abt my trip and i might not but first i wanna get something off my chest...

to anyone who secretly or openly hates on my because of my job situation, money situation, or lifestyle:

i worked damn hard to get where im at as far as my career. i went to college just like everyone else and put in my 4 years but unlike the average college student who just willy nillied their way thru school i always took 16+ credits every fuckin semester and i put in my time with the government (at least 20 hrs a week) so that when i graduated i had a secure spot. i maneuvered my way around and got into the positions i wanted. i put myself out there and applied for different programs and contacted people in the areas that i wanted to work in. its fucking called initiative and now...its paying off...so dont fucking hate just do better!! i work and spend my money on what i wanna spend my money on if u dont like it or dont agree plz keep ur dumb ass opinion to urself :)

i swear the past 9-10 months have been soooooo fucking interesting!! so much has been revealed all i can do is smdh.

im just fuckin finished on so many different levels its not even funny!!

"LOL"

2009-03-19T10:04:00.003-04:00

first i wanna say what up to all my followers new and old.....thank u much

ok so remember that website i mentioned here?

supposedly it was gonna be taken down but i found out yesterday that its back up and more people and comments have been added to it...so while i laughed again and again over it at the same time im still like wtf??! what kind of a bitch handles his/her beefs over the internet like how fuckin lame is that shit? then he tries to act like its not him its his peeps who apparently do this type of shit for fun but stop the mothafuckin lyin bitch...i mean i guess i'd be hatin on a dude whose dick was bigger than mine too but this is NOT the way to handle it...then this damn wife...i feel sorry for her ass...according to the website married dude has another piece lol...now THAT made me smdh and want to dead all contact with him whatsoever for good (yea yea we been talkin again).

so much bitchassness...why??

i might write a book...not my life story per se but a chunk of time that has proven to be pretty fuckin crazy...

2 more days til the bahamas....wooooosaaaaaaaah

oh yea i forgot to tell yall a while ago that bitch tried to put a ring on it hehehe its sitting in my jewelry box chillin he lucky i dont sell that shit on craigslist

the puppy is FINALLY gone even tho he left piss stains everywhere to remind us of the time he graced our presence....thank the LORD i will be moving soon...

office politics

2009-03-16T12:59:00.002-04:00

i rarely post anything about my real job cuz its nothin to really report but as some of u may know (or not) i am an employee of the federal government and have been here long enough to be in the double digits on the pay scale (even tho we are switching to NSPS but plz dont ask me to explain none of this lol) ...im actually coming up on my 6 year anniversary in may...whoaaaa someone is gettin old and it is so NOT me lol lol.

anyway i have been in a period of transition and a lot of things have been up in the air but there are gonna be some personnel changes and which impacts me a lil bit. so the guy that im gonna be working with (they just notified me of this on fri) took me to lunch today and we had a long talk about everything thats going on and apparently everyone in the office tries to go on me behind my back talkin bout how im late everyday how i take extra long lunches and the lady i was working with is always like she gives me work and i never do it...LIESSSSS ok the first 2 are true but the last part is a damn lie and thats why that old bitch aint got no fuckin teeth in her mouth her ass look like the cat lady on the simpsons fuck her. and how the hell am i supposed to kno they only do 30 min lunches over here am i a mind reader and i been here all this time and no one was gonna say shit to me? like really? if ur in a management position and u cant come to me and say something whats up with that? how u gonna be talkin bout me to everyone else but...ME??? thats a punk move. maybe they thought i was gonna go off but hell isnt that something a "leader" is supposed to be prepared for and able to deal with??? all they wanna do is joke and play around no one wants any conflict or confrontations so they just avoid shit and talk about people behind their backs. so if i hear one more thing then im going off or i could just not give them nothing to talk about and solve that problem eh...either or lol. ughhhh i need some telework days ASAP...

did i mention that this time next week i shall be chillin on the beach in the bahamas?????? a whole freakin week...half in the bahamas and half in miami. i am counting down the days hours and minutes shit...

i am soooo feeling my white nails right about now...oh and holla at me at bebe if ur in the area this thurs...spring collection will be out and its pretty cute...i plan on getting my fix lol.

SEX...

2009-03-14T21:39:00.002-04:00

...is what can happen if someone tells u that they want u and been wanting u for a while lol...

that is all...

oh except for the fact that im dog sitting the most nervous scaredy cat ass puppy ive ever encountered in my entire life lol lol hes a cutie tho and doesnt seem to require much...

hmmmm...

2009-03-10T14:03:00.003-04:00

where to start...

my moms memorial service was on sat and as antsy (nervous/anxious) as i was it was perfect. there were some sad tearful moments here and there but it was all good and def something that she would have been proud of. judge judith rogers who was appointed to the dc court of appeals in '94 by clinton came thru which was a surprise cuz when i talked to her she said she wasnt gonna be able to make it. my mom worked for her back in the 80s and she really liked my mom even tho she didnt work there very long...my mom always talked about judge rogers and what it was like working for her. i was honored to say the least. anyway it was just a really nice service and i kept my nerve and got up to say my reflections piece and the programs were beautiful (as was the weather) and my daughters aunt made this huge collage covered in glass with a frame (her specialty lol) that got a lot of attention and all types of fam and friends came out from near and far so i was pleased in many more ways than one...

i have a whole bunch of funny stories to come (later)

i have been really sad lately because i kept forgetting that my mom is not here and i keep sayin oh wait til i tell my mom about this right here or like last night i reached for the phone to call my gma and subconsciously im like havent talked to mom in a while need to give her a call and then i remember that i cant...it just really hurts and i cry a lot...when i wake up, when im trying to go to sleep, while i brush my teeth, when i wrote this blog...u get the idea. death is just so fucking final like its no coming back from that and its nothing we can do to stop it. so far ive had 2 dreams (well one was more of a nightmare) about my mom...

my lil bro (who i prob never discussed in this blog before) is about to be 15 and of course i was not gonna have anything other than him being with me and it all worked out so freakin easily that i got scared but when something is God's will then thats how its supposed to be. he seems happy and of course my daughter is over the moon so now its like i have 2 kids and neither one of their fathers are paying child support lol but i couldnt get rid of neither one of them if i tried. my brothers father told me welcome to the family i was just like WHAT family?? and him and my daughters father are like bonding or something i cant take none of it lol. like 2 weeks ago we had all went out to eat and my crazy ass uncle abruptly got up and left and was like he wasnt gonna break bread with them n*ggas blah blah which cracked me up and i have plenty more stories about that one.

havent heard a peep from none of them dumb ass broads (hi haters if ur reading) and thats the way it shall remain.

goin back to bebe this week they were real excited lol...

and finally...im going on a VACATION!!!!! going to the bahamas and miami at the end of the month and i cannot wait...last vacation was in '06 when i went to the domincan republic so i am fiening for a beach right about now lol.

im spending my days lookin for a 3 bedroom place to rent cuz we real tight up in my 2 bedroom and my brothers furniture hasnt even been brought down yet...its just shit pilled on top of shit i dont even bother to pick anything up and since my daughter and her stuff was consolidated into my room and my stuff my room looks like a fucking hot ass mess. but its all good cuz i wanted him with me and was willing to fight for him if need be. sooooo if i could just get in a new place and get focused on this class which i only got about a month left then i will be good. i got an extension on my midterm but its due tonight and ive barely started...no motivation whatsoever...

anyway those are my updates i shall return soon :)

Detour

2009-03-09T00:10:00.000-04:00

had to take a detour with the last post BUT we are now back to our regularly scheduled program haha

i have much to talk about and need to catch up on everyone's blogs (no i have not forgotten yall in the least)

peace

TO SHEENA AND SHAREKA

2009-03-03T18:57:00.002-05:00

TO SHEENA FRYE AND SHAREKA ROBINSON:

i usually protect the innocent but yall bitches aint innocent and since u take the time out of ur "busy" schedules to read my blog on a regular basis here ya go:

FUCK YOU, SUCK A DICK, GO FUCK YOURSELVES YOU DUMB FAKE JEALOUS MISERABLE ASS BITCHES!

YALL CONTINUE TO READ MY BLOG TO KEEP TABS AND SHIT TWISTING WORDS AND TELLING PEOPLE WHAT I WRITE ABOUT RUNNING YOUR FUCKING MOUTHES TRYING TO KEEP SHIT GOING WHY????

SHAREKA YOUR SELF ESTEEM IS SO FUCKING LOW WHERE YOU THREATENED BECAUSE SOMEONE CONTACTED ME?? YOU ARE SO FUCKING SAD AND YOU TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE RUNNING THEIR MOUTHES WHEN YOU RUNTELDAT EVERY FUCKING CHANCE YOU GET!!! YOU ARE THE ONE COMING TO MY BLOG GETTING INFORMATION TO SHARE AND DISCUSS GET A FUCKING LIFE WHY DONT YOU FOCUS ON GETTING OUT THE FUCKING GHETTO ASSHOLE.

AND SHEENA YOU FUCKING LIAR YOU DID NOT CALL ME YESTERDAY SIMPLY TO FIND OUT WHEN THE MEMORIAL SERVICE WAS THE FIRST THING OUT YOUR BIG ASS MOUTH WAS HOW DARE YOU BLAH BLAH AND THEN YOU WERE SOOOO CONFUSED AS TO WHY I STARTED YELLING? WHY IS IT THAT EVERYTIME IM DEALING WITH SHAREKA YOUR DUMB ASS POPS UP OUTTA NOWHERE TRYING TO GIVE YOUR FUCKING 2 CENTS THAT AINT WORTH SHIT?! BITCH WORRY BOUT WHO YOU GONNA BEG AND BORROW MONEY FROM TO MAKE YOUR FUCKING RENT AND CAR PAYMENTS!

yall spent all fucking day talking about this shit! again i told yall what happened out of respect for the friendship that we HAD but like i said earlier i should have just let yall find out down the line from some random ass motherfucker on fb or some shit. for the last time im NOT interested in being friends with you ever if i was yall would have been with me and around me over the past 2 weeks or so and you havent. you werent invited to any of my bday festivities, nothing that had to do with my mom, i havent called you, havent asked you for SHIT because AGAIN i leave that for the people who actually care and have my back. yall are 2 of the most disrespectful ass bitches ive ever come across and i shouldnt have said SHIT to yall period. please continue to read my blog i will not censor or change a thing...you can continue to come here and get bits and pieces of my life that you clearly want to be a part of sooooo bad! fuck yall both and have fun reading, disecting, and sharing every fucking word hell maybe i will just add yall back on the email distro list!!!

BITCHASSNESS IS A DISEASE!!!!!!

ramblings = long ass bipolar post

2009-02-27T23:11:00.009-05:00

i miss my mom like shit and i wanna talk to her soooo bad but theres not a damn thing i can do about it...worst feeling in the whole fucking world. im sad, im angry, im just fucking finished right now. if it were not for the children i would just say fuck it, close myself off from the world, and sleep like i was in a coma. what amazes me the most is how much life changes...how many twists and turns people have to go thru all because ONE person is no longer here on this earth.

tonight i had a convo with my daughter who is 6. i asked her if she missed G (no not grandma lol she been callin my mom by her first name since she first started forming letters into words) and she said no and then she asked me did i miss her and i said yes. then she said well at least we get to see her on sunday (they are doin a tribute to my mom at my cousins church - where my mom was also very active a while back - on sunday)...so i realize she has no real understanding of whats going on. i tried to explain it to her but im still not sure...

in celebration of my bday i went out last friday...i had been talkin about getting a table at this club called love here in dc for about a month and then the week of i bit the bullet and paid the damn 1000 to book my table. the next day i found out my mom had died. at first i was gonna cancel everything (my cuz had also gotten us tickets to see solange and estelle a few weeks prior)...another fuck everything moment but i figured it would be the beginning of my downward spiral of lying comatose on my bedroom floor so i went thru with it. u probably just tuned out everything i just said cuz u cant get past the 1000 but let me tell u what the 1000 gets u...it gets u a table roped off from the rest of the "general admissioners", ur own security guard, ur own cocktail waitress, unlimited red bull juice and sodas, and a 600 bar tab (but before u get excited 600 will only buy u about 3 bottles of moet rose...in my case 1 bottle of grey goose and 2 bottles of rose...only because the waitress was either retarded OR she was being nice as shit)...moving on...blessings to jenny the girl who booked my table because she (gasp) put us all the way in the front directly beside the stage (and yes teems the stage is the vip of vip lol) ...ron brownz performed (i also think hes following me) and yea we popped bottles with the pop champagne guy lol. rose will get u real fucked uppppp ok!! then we started doin shots of patron and mixing the rose and grey goose. so by 130 i was completely fucked up along with everyone else in my lil section. dudes was tryin to get us on stage, we had random ass people in our section (cuz u kno when u get drunk u get all nice and lovey dovey and shit), people had their shirts off, people was gettin drinks thrown on them, people was sitting on each others faces on the couch and shit like we got completely and utterly LOOSE. i think i blacked out a couple times cuz some shit i swear i do not remember but i got the story piece by piece from like 4 different people after the fact. i ended up loosing my composure towards the end of the night and started sobbing which caused my cousin to cry and my oldest sis bogarded her way over trying to comfort me and she is so fuckin crazy she ended up makin me laugh and because what she said made me laugh she kept sayin it over and over again. we stayed like an extra 45 minutes after the club had closed (i have no idea why) and then i was half carried/half dragged myself to my car where i passed out in the backseat and then threw up what appeared to be crab cakes (no i had none) in the parking lot when we got to my building lol. but i got out and did my beyonce walk into my shit and my friend threw me into the bed fully clothed where i passed out yet again lol. hands down the best night ive had at the club ever...matter fact that shit got me wanting to buy a damn table every fuckin weekend...we still talkin bout the shit a week later actually thats how much fun everybody had.

more on facebook as usual...

my mom was cremated on sat and we went to that so i got to see my mom 2 days in a row and i was like excited to see her but the day before i felt like shit leaving her at that fucking funeral home...if i could have crawled into the box with her i would have. i did get a lock of her hair and it smelled like she had JUST washed it...i wonder how long it will stay like that...i was able to push the button to open the doors to the machine and then they rolled her in and then i pushed the button to close the door. for a split second when the doors opened i considered crawling in there but that wouldnt have been good for anybody. my dad came up from SC to see my mom before she was cremated (he had to see his boo one last time) and we stood there for the longest...me trying to hold her hand and him running his hands over her hair...then he kissed her on her forehead. my dad told me to be strong which should be easy cuz i got my moms blood running thru me...

sun was a bad bad day...married dude checked up on me and i was not doin too good crying and didnt wanna get out of bed but he understood and since he been there before he gave me some good words so i got my shit together to go see my girls solange and estelle in conert and had a blast in spite of everything.

monday was my bday and it partially sucked just because...i been off all week...no time to mourn really cuz i have a whole list of things that need to be taken care of...when i finally lay my head down in the wee hrs of the morning i am out like a fucking light...blank ass sleep. i hate that. on wed i was laying in bed reflecting on the past few days and realized that those that i have referred to as the "miserable ass bitches" in numerous posts aint even bother to call, text, or email me happy bday lol...i did notify them of my moms passing and with all the "let me kno if u need anythings" and "my heart just dropped when i heard the news" etc did they forget after knowing me for like 1o years that it was my bday? oh and i havent heard from them since...them among others...its funny to me like my "arch enemy" sent me a note on fb with her condolences and said happy belated bday and people who i called friends couldnt even bother...just had to get that off my chest...

the woman who is responsible for bringing me safely into this world is gone...and i kno most of u have no fuckin clue what that feels like but let me assure u its something u must experience in order to understand...i have sooooo much on my plate right now shit that im not even gonna speak on til its finalized but this is by far the hardest situation ive ever had to deal with...i can only be thankful that i was able to bond with my mom over the years and that our relationship got as good as it did...if u read all of this thank u for caring...and thanks to everyone for the condolences and bday wishes...it really meant a lot...and shout out to all of my wonderful followers :)

one last pic tho...

middle heart for my mom and one heart on each side for me and lil bro...please continue to keep us in ur prayers...

happy bday to me :)

2009-02-23T02:14:00.003-05:00

its well after midnight here so its officially my bday....

just lettin yall kno im ok and wanted to say thank u for all the condolences...plz continue to keep me and my fam (in particular my little bro) in your thoughts and prayers!!!

i am very happy to be entering my 26th year because 25 was just not that good to me (in more ways than 1)...and of course to top it all off my mom died a few days ago...im still trying to process that.

i considered cancelling all bday activities this weekend but decided not too even tho i got a lot of funny responses but anyone who knew my mom would kno that she would have wanted me to have fun and enjoy myself this weekend and all other weekends, weeks, days, etc.

i saw my mom twice this weekend and it was very very hard but she looked completely at peace. i told them no make up or anything and she looked natural and absolutely just like herself just like she was sleeping. my dad travelled well over 8 hrs cuz he had to see his boo one last time...there was a small private viewing on sat and then she was cremated just like she wanted...i even got to go into the room with her...

im missing my mom horribly right now its just like an empty feeling and like a pain in my stomach but my friend said the pain doesnt go away u just have to learn to adjust to live with it...she lost her mom almost a year ago and i truly believe that we crossed paths for a reason...the married dude he lost his mom a few years back and he said a lot of things today that i needed to hear...and one of my fav bloggers she too has been very supportive, having been there herself only x2. its just a feeling that cant be explained and u wont understand it until u have experienced it...

i will be spending the majority of my bday at my moms going thru her stuff, getting things in order, my little bro needs to be withdrawn from school and countless other things need to be taken care of. again thoughts and prayers are much needed at this time.

i will update yall abt my weekend schenanigans at a later date but if ur with me on fb then u already kno lol

DEATH

2009-02-19T21:30:00.004-05:00

WE ARE ALL BORN TO DIE...

...and thats just what my mom did today...in the wee hours of this sunshine filled thursday she fulfilled her journey on this planet called earth and went to be in the heavens with the ALMIGHTY.

my mom has suffered a lot over the years but each time she went in the hospital no matter what happened from a clogged catheder (dialysis term) to having her chest ripped open with no pain meds she ALWAYS pulled thru. she was a soilder for real but i think she and God decided enough was enough and this morning she was given a gift that none of us here could ever give her...eternal peace.

words really cant express what its like to loose a parent especially when it happens so unexpectedly...even tho she was sick its still not something i prepared for...i took her strength for granted...i took her time for granted. anyway its been an extremely long day so i will end here...

mom...RIP and please please please send me a sign that are there and God i kno there are 2 people that u directly placed in my life to help me thru this so thank u and u really do work in mysterious ways i swear...

update: my baby daddy is CRAZY

2009-02-18T12:42:00.004-05:00

UPDATE: now this bitch has a website up all about me and the married dude with pics and shit (stolen from my fb page and his old wedding site) and the funniest part is that its the same web address as their old wedding site lmao i would share it with yall but i always protect the innocent....no naming of names BUT this motherfucker stay gettin out of pocket i swear.

he needs to have his balls chopped off and then stuffed down his fuckin throat.

now i have no words for a deadbeat father but i would rather have had this bitch walk away then to deal with this shit right here...

thats just my baby daddy (unfortunately)

2009-02-18T10:43:00.004-05:00

my childs father is such a dumb fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and whoever is reading my blog and reporting back to him and/or whatever the fuck can GO FUCK THEMSELVES...into a coma thanks!!! my guess is that whenever i mention married dude he gets tipped off fuckin hilarious.

he texts me (randomly).....

dumb ass: just for the record it wasnt me
me: what are u talkin bout
dumb ass: LOL seriously i had nothin to do with it
dumb ass: maybe resolved by now so maybe a non issue
me: again what are u talkin about
dumb ass: oh if u dont know not really my place to say if u did kno i was just givin u the heads up NO BEEF in 2009 (u dumb fuck as long as u dont pay child support and my credit is still FUCKED UP there will ALWAYS be beef bitch)
dumb ass: whats ur blog address (here we go again)
me: WHAT HAPPENED
dumb ass: what ur blog address u tell me and i'll tell u (ok im FINISHED)
dumb ass: do we have a deal (asshole plz stop blowin my phone up while im at work)
me: no im sure u already got the site addresses anyway

then i get a phone call asking for the address of my blog um i said no motherfucker!!!!!!! of course he hangs up on me and then while im writing this i get an email which i will NOT be responding to either!!!!

people always wanna complain about a damn baby mama but i swear until u have experienced all the bullshit we have to go thru u will NEVER understand. people dont see all the lil "behind the scenes" shit that these dudes be doin to irritate the FUCK outta us and this is why women act like bitches and tell u that u cant see ur fuckin kids and dont call my fuckin phone to speak to them either cuz when i see ur name pop up on the screen i wanna crush my phone on a fuckin ROCK. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH this is why i say the only thing him and his fuckin fam is good for is a FREE BABYSITTING SERVICE (ok his mom is nice but she should have aborted his ass so therein lies the problem that i have with her).....ok that was mean so i shall stop while im ahead...in the meantime i will just be over here fantasizing about the day he falls off a cliff, gets hit by a car, goes completely bankrupt...oo thats a good one lol. please stop the bitchassness thank u.

vday weekend rap up

2009-02-16T19:01:00.004-05:00

im sure inquiring minds wanna kno if my back is still in tact and the answer is yes lol there was no sex in the champagne room this weekend lol but it was interesting none the less...

the first person to tell me happy valentines day was married dude...at midnight lol go figure...based on the conversations i had with him this weekend they either beefin hard or separated...i have my thoughts on that but im gonna keep them to myself...u kno...if u cant say nothin nice...

since i loveeee godiva chocolates i was determined to get some but i was bullshittin around bebe on sat and the mall closed!!! i ran down there and of course the doors were locked but i worked my mojo and got a free box of chocolate covered strawberries and because im so nice i shared with my bebe peeps since they were gonna have to stay late to clean up the store on valentines day...i gave away 4, ate 1, and still have one left lol...for some reason i always get free food lol...

anyway my cousin and i went to the club and had fun got tipsy off jose cuervo and watched a chick convulse on the floor and her dumb ass friend tried to do chest compressions and the police had to come in...after they finally carried her into some back room my cuz is like that bitch totally fucked up my buzz i was sooooo DONE lol lol...it clearly took me a lil longer for my buzz to wear off THEN because she fell in love at the club we had to go to ihop and i was not even the 3rd wheel but like the fuckin 7th wheel lol however i am in no way, shape, or form a cock blocker so i was like fine but i will just sleep in the car (if after 3am by this time lol) but they literally dragged me into the place and then when it was almost 5 i got pissed and had to put my damn tired sore ass foot down (sky high heels always). those that kno me kno how i get when im irritated lol...

since i was partying hard this weekend (NOT) we went out again last night and it was sooooo packed like shoulder to shoulder tight it was crazy i felt like it was inauguration day all over again and i started to get pissed but the section we were right in front of kinda peeked our interest (bunch of buff ass dudes yea) so we like they gotta be somebody but it was confirmed when this group of white bitches came and stood like right in front of them lol so we ask around and find out they are redskins then all of a sudden clintin portis appears out of no where (and i really need to start watchin sports more cuz i clearly said he was lavar arrington lol lol) it was crazy in there but we had a ball as always...

my friend did come to see me on on sat and even tho i HATE waitin on people with a passion and he made me late for work i gave him a pass cuz hes a cutie lol when i got out of the car he tried to give me a kiss on the cheek but my hair got in the way so he ended up kissing my hair lol...im thinkin hes still dealin with his baby moms so im not puttin too much thought into this...

i almost got a new tat today which would have completed my 4 day weekend perfectly BUT my dude was not there so i just got a quote and left (a lil bummed)...soon tho and i will post pics of all my tats when i finally do...i got some other funny stores but i'll share later this post is already gettin long enough lol hope everyone had a fun filled valentines weekend holla sorry no pics!!

valentines day

2009-02-10T15:08:00.003-05:00

all my blog titles turn out to be song titles (plz get into solange's cd its very good btw)

anyway in light of the upcoming annual day of loveeeeee this post is all about valentines day. now i have to admit that this is one of my fav days of the year (close second to thanksgiving)...not because i expect lavish gifts or grand dinners or whatever but just because of what it represents. i love all the lil hearts and pinks and reds all over the place when i go to the store and whatnot. i just like the idea of it. some people have been slamming the whole concept and while i agree that love should be shown each and every day whats wrong with vday damnit??? whats wrong with doin something a lil special that u wouldnt normally do on a regular day?

newsflash: I AM NOT GONNA HAVE A VALENTINE THIS YEAR

**sobs**

no not really cuz im cool with being single and can do something special on my own (or with friends im not opposed)...i might even get a new tat which would be really fitting seeing as though the tat i want next has a lot to do with love anyway ha!

speaking of valentines...last night i was talkin to one of the co-managers at my beloved bebe (the one who is my age and i had to ride all around town on her bday yea her) and she was talkin about how the dudes shes been uh..."bumpin booties with" (her term not mine lol) is tryin to be her bfriend and how she aint sure if she wanna go there blah blah. so shes like amber u dont have a bfriend....now im sick of this question in general (because every time i say no people act all shocked and appalled) and she already knos that i do not because we have had this discussion more than once. anyway in my response to her i kinda realized that i have some sort of aversion to romantic relationships like if u wanna chill COOL u wanna hang out COOL u wanna be friends COOL u wanna bump booties well that could be cool too but an actual relationship makes me wanna barf all over the floor. am i too self centered? am i too inconsiderate? am i too hard headed (as ive been told multiple times in the past)??? maybe im just too lazy BUT whatever the reason im "just not that into u" future steady committed relationship!!

anyway...i hope everyone has a lovey dovey kiss kiss kiss (poor chris brown) weekend with lots of sex and flowers and chocolate truffles from godiva...i hope to get at least ONE of the THREE!

its all about me me me me me...

2009-02-08T22:34:00.010-05:00

so whatchu gonna do do do do do lol remember that song by mya and sisqo???

today was soooo funny and it was so nice outside...in the upper 60s and all...i went out with my new bff (according to those hatin asses...HI HATERS if ur reading and im sure u are lol) then i raced home to watch the grammys which were WHACK omg its still on but its just been a total freakin waste of time...just like all these boyz out here lol...but im not even gonna go there right now lol...

new pic of me hehehe...

ok ok...two pics lol (more on fb OF COURSE lol)
i still love my shoes...seems like im headed down to ciaa (still waitin to hear back about accomodations since everything is BOOKED)...anybody else gonna be down there???

i spoke to married dude lol since it was his bday...im not good with bdays so i accidentally told him happy bday the other day WRONG which of course led to somethin else and i ended up talkin to him like all day today (correct day lol) but i dont feel like gettin into all THAT either...well maybe i will write about it later...i will say that i think telekinesis is real and it works lol...

and im workin on my cross over appeal (u kno just in case i wanna get me an international lover) i went to the abc store today (uh u gotta live in the "south" to kno about those) to get some dranks (u kno u cant go into a party empt handed people) and the indian dude at the register was all geeked up and then finally was like 'u have very nice hair' which i barely understood due to his thick accent but it was all good and i was flattered nonetheless lol...i swear im gonna make it to india one day...ok this is the last time im editing this post im goin to bed holla!!

my life

2009-02-04T23:47:00.004-05:00

ok if i had gotten my green graffiti LV zippy wallet this week as planned everything would have been so much better...but of course it sold out before it even hit the freakin stores...so now im just gonna bitch about all the shit thats been giving me a throbbing headache ughhhhhhhh

even tho we are no longer friends (on the internet or in real life) i sometimes frequent married dudes facebook page (hehe but he cant see mine) so im lookin and see he did one of those '25 random things about me' notes that everyone and their mama is doin on there and right at the top what do i see? that he misses me and hopes to see me soon. WHY????????? WHY???? WHY? bleh...after i read that line about 50 times i scroll down the list and see something that was even more disgusting...he confirmed that my crazy ass baby daddy pulled a gun on him that day when he caught him leaving my apt (read here and yall lucky i like yall cuz it took me forever to figure out which post that story was in!!)...now i almost threw up when i read that shit but i still cant figure out how married dude could be such a fuckin punk with that situation...and im wondering why he didnt run away sooner...i mean my bd put him (and his fiance at the time) thru more than enough shit...honestly tho i will never forgive **** for destroying my relationship with married dude he was my boo boo for realz man...and then i get stressed cuz i kno he will do this shit every single time...i mean im never gonna be in a relationship with someone if he has anything to do with the shit...and i realized this is one of the reasons i dont bother to connect with anyone...cuz i dont wanna like someone and have my bd catch wind of it and ruin it by embarassing the shit out of me and contacting/threatening the person til they either beat tha shit outta him or run like hell....bastards (all of them)....

and my apt...how many times do i have to ask them to fix the hole/sagging crack in the ceiling over my shower??? i mean fuck it im just gonna wait til the shit falls on my head while im washing my ass and then everyone will be happy...especially me cuz i will never have to worry about payin rent ever again...in life. but the maintenance dudes always wanna be all up in my face!! well come fix this shit before its a problem (for u and the company u work for)...and omg reason #5009 why i hate apartment living...i got off the elevator just now and almost vomitted then i almost passed out from tryin to hold my breath all the way down the hall to prevent the horrible stench in the hallway from entering into my fuckin nasal passage...wtf it smelled like baby shit and some indian food all swirled together with spoiled milk poured on top or something it was GODAWFUL!!!!! fuck me!!!! but the pillows i bought from pier 1 are yummy (and they should be when they cost like 30 bucks a pop) im gonna take pics cuz they look soooo cute on my couch...ok enough is enough im out...

new blogger alert

2009-02-03T21:45:00.003-05:00

hello...while i work on new material plz check out 2 more of my peeps who have started blogging...

my cuz who i mention quite often in this blog and can be seen here (lol) is FINALLY blogging...

http://theperfectmetaphor.blogspot.com/

and one of my best male friends...

http://drhkdh23.blogspot.com/

and my other cuz who i mention quite often changed her blog up so check her out too...

thank u much and i will be back soon...

everyday...

2009-02-01T02:22:00.005-05:00

i am reminded of why i am single...guys are dumb and i dont wanna be bothered with 'em that much...i am lookin for somebody that ima let beat beat beat beat beat (as bobby v says) but even that seems like its becoming a worthless endeavor...theres a guy i am semi interested in and hes been tryin to get my attention for a while so i say cool lets hang out this weekend...i get off from work last night i text him hes like what are u doin? i say nothin is he goin out...he says he dont kno am i goin out...i say no im in the house chillin...now normally this would be the time when one would ask about hanging out or something but NOPE not him i mean what tha fuck does he want me to do draw a roadmap to my vagina?? shit! then i expect a call or text from him today and got nothing...well i did get a random ass text from one dude (joy!) that went a lil somethin like this...

random: what up ambie how was ur week??
me: who is this?? (now i had an idea but i aint wanna confuse nobody cuz thats just RUDE)
random: please tell me u got a new phone or somethin!!
me: nah
random: thats messed up how u gonna act like u dont kno who this is blah blah TANGENT
me: just answer the damn question
random: oh nevermind u must be having a bad day or somethin u got an attitude (HUH?)
me: all u had to do is answer the question
random: im hurt im in my feelings i need to regroup and hit u back
me: ok (and please dont rush that process wtf!!)

ewwwwww nothin bothers me more than a person who is EXTRA for no fuckin reason ugh! so i went to the movies this evening all by myself and because my phone is always blowin up i ignored that shit and of course missed the one call i had been waiting for all day....fuck...

one of the reasons my phone was blowing up today was cuz of the white boy i have mentioned twice already in this blog (why???)...he kept sayin he wanted to see me i was not interested but i played along (i think this is a part of the problem) and around 1230 hes like hes gonna be around my way at like 115 so im thinkin i can easily duck him and just be like i fell asleep or some shit but because my friend wanted to hear a funny story she egged me on and i went to go meet him.

reasons why i did not wanna meet the white boy aka the real slim shady...

*i had a good ass parking spot in the front of my building (very hard to come by might i add)
*i have to get up early tomorrow
*although i find some white dudes to be attractive id rather make brown babies than invisible ones
*i just didnt wanna be bothered (there i said it!)

i dont interact too much with white people so i get kinda confused when i meet one who acts (or tries to act) black...therefore i was confused for the better part of this uhhh...rendevous...but he told me that by knowing him i would get a better understanding of my roots...LOL LOL touche white boy, touche...

the male species and other funny ass stories (F.A.S)...

2009-01-30T12:08:00.006-05:00

i said male cuz i dont wanna get into that whole boys vs. men debate so i just wanna say that i find the male species to be fucking hilarious...like they just be on some other shit for real...

not too long ago i went to the club and we were takin random pics with and of people (one of those random ass pics can be seen here but no i am not talkin about that white boy) so one dude is like email me the pics and i say cool...i do and we been conversing over email ever since. he starts asking me all these questions and then finally he asks me for my number. he then calls me and says...yea i just had to make sure u were worth my time. i proceed to lmao like never before. worth UR time?? wtf is ur time worth EXACTLY? i mean really...

then facebook...where nothin BUT hilarity ensues...this guy who was a straight weirdo in high school randomly im's me talkin bout his day and how he's all comfy in his man jammies (yes u read that right) and then proceeds to ask me what im wearing!!! like i didnt talk to u in high school and maybe i shouldnt have accepted ur friend request but what kind of answer were u lookin for??? i told him i had on a head to toe flannel night gown and said goodnight lol more like GOOD DAY and dont ever contact me again...EVER. not to mention all the other random ass messages i be gettin on there...pure comedy.

these are testaments as to why i am single...i would much rather laugh people off and keep it moving...

i have like 10 blog ideas in my blackberry that i forgot about so bear with me...

as u kno i have a part time job at the mall and this is probably gonna sound vain as hell but i always get embarrassed when people i kno come into the store...and since i work at a very popular mall it happens way more often than i would like. i always end up explaining that yes i still have my good govt job and that this is just a part time gig...hell i even be stressing that shit to complete strangers like yea i have a degree too bitch dont try to play me!!! anyway its even worse seeing people when im not on my A game like yesterday my hair looked like complete and utter SHIT so of course my uncles ex-wife comes in...now i havent seen this woman in about 3-4 years and im like ohhhh shit cuz she is way extra. she starts callin me out so i give her a hug and i get up close this bitch looks like a knifed up lil kim from guyana (she kinda reminds me of like sally richardson...remember her from low down dirty shame with kenan ivory wayans and jada pinkett lmaoooo). fake ass tits, lil kim nose job, extra plumped up lips, white ass foundation...im like ok thats FINISHED!!!! and all she wants to do (as always) is talk and ask me questions about my damn uncle (story about him coming up). then shes like oh we have to hang out i want u to take me shopping im studying to be a doctor (BLANK STARE), i wanna go to the club with u...the whole time her son who is like 19 is just shaking his head (her and my uncle have a son but i never see him). then when she leaves the one gay ass dude co-manager in there asks if her son was her boyfriend (that just give u an idea of what this duo looked like). after that i was really finished....i accidentally slipped up and said that my uncle moved back home...oopsssss...im sure she is gonna be pressed to go over there now...hell shes probably over there right this minute and hes gonna KILL ME...

funny story about my uncle (sorry this is getting long)...my uncle lost all his possessions (his place of residence, his car, and his business) which his blames on the "jews"...one time me and my cuz started messing with him so shes like jewish boys are soooo cute im gonna get me a jewish boyfriend etc etc...let me just tell yall that this shit almost ruined christmas no joke...like he went the fuck off and would not let that shit go...he insists on everyone calling him by his middle name so we started calling him mitchman (u kno to give it a lil jewish twang...i HOPE this doesnt offend anyone) now that really got the party started and resulted in my other uncle jacking him up and then things kinda took a turn for the worst...however i was still laughing except for the fact that my blinds were getting fucked up at which time i started to get pissed...anyway he also has a problem with asians since he was kicked out of a liquor store recently so i started calling him mitchell-son...yo this is cracking me up right now. one day we were gonna call the house and pretend like we were calling from the jewish college fund (i have no idea if this is a real organization or not) and tell him that we had his name on our list and would he like to donate anything to help out...when i tell u that just the mere thought of this shit had like all of us dying at the dinner table (except for my gma of course)...i mean tears coming down and everything funny....but my aunt wouldnt let us do it lol...i got lots of funny stories about my fam...i swear they are hilarious and if no one else found this to be funny i kno two people who are cracking up laughing reading this shit...hello fam!!!!

and ima stop posting shit on this blog until after it has been written in stone, confirmed, guaranteed, etc...like seriously...

funnies

2009-01-29T16:01:00.003-05:00

yesterday while attempting to do my childs hair that damn ky his and hers commercial came on...u kno the one where the husband and wife is like when the two combine its like...

*break to couple singing opera*

and then they flash back and show the husband and wife all rumpled up in the sheets

well my child starts laughing...hmmmm what about that commercial would a 6 year old find to be so damn comical??? i look at my cuz who is like ok im officially DONE lol all i can do is smdh...i just wanted to tell her to get her ass in the bed immediately lmao i couldnt take it...this is why i rarely venture away from the disney channel when she is around...now i have some issues with disney but damn anything has to be better than THAT!!!!

oh then my other cuz calls me and we chattin and her daughters like let me talk to amber!!!!! let me talk to amberrrrrr!!!! so she lets her get on the phone and i say hi ***** and then she just breaks into song talkin bout diva is the female version of a hustla...complete with the d-d-d-diva (yall kno how bey be singing that shit lol). this is more than hilarious to me since ***** is barely even 3 yet....

i luv the kids...

im clearly getting excited bout my bday plans...tables at love and stripper poles lol i cant wait...

new blogger alert

2009-01-27T23:54:00.002-05:00

two of my good peeps have started bloggin and they are lovin it...plz check them out and show them some luv!!!

http://shagotsomthintosay.blogspot.com/

and

http://completethoughts09.blogspot.com/

oh

and to u plz get ur blog up and running ASAP thank u ma'am :)

snow, stats, and stupidity

2009-01-27T09:00:00.003-05:00

well i got the snow i was so desperately hoping for but what i didnt get was all the delays and closings that usually come along with it...so im a lil pissed right about now...but im STILL not going to work!!! take that us govt!!!!

anyway its so funny (read: SCARY and SAD) to me that sooooo many people out there are having problems with dumb motherfuckers reading their blogs and takin that shit to another level...its a shame when we gotta make our shit by invitation only i mean what tha fuck?! its a fuckin blog its our thoughts and feelings about the shit that goes on around us on a daily basis...if u dont like it fuck u!! why dont u start a fuckin blog then asshole?? or how bout gettin a part time job, finishing or going back to school, takin care of ur motherfuckin kids, gettin a fuckin significant other, i mean damn some people got too much fuckin time on their hands...

let me just say this...i have ONESTAT on my shit (like most bloggers) and what that means to YOU bitch is that i see u reading. i got ur IP address, the time and dates u be reading, even the fuckin organization that u accessing my site thru yea all that shit so do us all a favor and stop the bitchassness here and now. i wasnt gonna address it but im tired of it. fyi...ME knowing that u are still reading my blog is not gonna deter me from writing about u or anyone else for that matter. we aint friends so stop readin my shit! why u tryin to keep up with my life and what im doin??? i said i was done with all of yall weekssssss ago and i meant that shit but for some reason yall are still breathing life into this dead ass situation which is fuckin hilarious to me...first the stalkin on facebook now on the blog...ur just giving me MORE shit to write about and laugh at!!! are u too fuckin dumb to realize that??? LEAVE ME BE!!! FUCK!!!!

too all my lovely faithful readers, drivebys, lurkers, etc please dont think im talkin bout yall...yall are great!! please continue to read and comment on my random ass posts...enjoy and most of all SMILE...now good day!!!!

what about the children...

2009-01-26T12:24:00.003-05:00

as a single mom (yes reggie i somehow managed to drop an egg, get some sperm to it, and pop a baby out some 9 months later...well technically she didnt pop out of THERE they had to cut her out thank GOD) i wonder what it will be like for me and her when i finally find someone i wanna get all lovey dovey with, start jumping over brooms, and popping out babies by the truckload...will it be awkward???

yesterday my girlfriend donk (should i come up with a new name for u babe?) was having a debate with her girlfriend (for the sake of this blog we'll call her MAC diva) cuz the latter's date was cut short when the dudes daughter called him talkin bout her mom's finance had spanked/hit/beat her (something like that)...MAC diva's position was basically that u never put ur hands on someone else's kids...regardless of what the relationship is if u aint pop them out or they aint come from ur seed u dont put ur hands on them. donk's position was if u gonna be a family (even if by marriage) then u have the right to spank the child...in particular if there are other kids in the home from the new union...i was actually in the middle...like i honestly dont kno how i would feel about my SO/finance/husband spanking my child...in a way i feel like he should leave that up to me but i guess i see both sides. what i do kno for sure is that it should be discussed amongst all participating adults PRIOR to anyone even getting to the point of needing to be disciplined or spanked...bad ass kids...so does having a child make dating even more difficult? does it complicate things??? i kno guys who have said they will deal with one but anything more than that is doin too much...but i kno of guys who have dated women with like 5 kids and not thought anything of it... i for one do not like the idea of dating anyone with a child under say...5...why? because 9 times out of 10 he's still hitting it or at least there are some feelings still involved...this i kno from experience lol things seen and unseen lol...lord knows i have enough drama on my own we cant have my crazy ass baby daddy and his crazy ass baby mama all in the mix...unless...hey maybe we could hook them bitches up and then they would leave us the hell alone??? just a thought...anyway that would all make for some interesting ass blogs lol...

its monday and im wishin it was friday already...there were some snow flurries today...im hoping (and praying) for a fuckin blizzard that shuts all of dc, maryland, and va DOWN for like 2 or 3 days lol...that would be pretty cool...

hello GOD its me amber...

2009-01-25T11:32:00.009-05:00

im sending up lots of prayers so i dont end up smackin a bitch out...

i love bebe and all but they just be doin too much. this is a PART TIME job and i treat it as such...the day i get written up over some dumb shit is the day i quit immediately and sorry but im still in my feelings about being there til 2am on friday night. yes 2 fuckin am...what the hell were we doin there almost 5 hrs after the mall closed? beats the hell outta me and they better stop fuckin with my ass. my cuz tried to use my discount at another store and my dilly ass forgot i knew someone who worked at that particular store so the minute my cuz walked out she called up to my store and since i had called out yesterday the block was EXTRA hot. so i go up to my store last night (they said even if i wasnt coming in i had to take these damn tests) and one of the co-managers like girl u tryin to run game on us blah blah so-and-so told us to write u up blah blah. so im like that wasnt even me that was my cuz and when i found out she was up there i told her to leave. i wish that bitch would write me up after i drove her ass around town for her bday came all the way back to va and then had to take her all the way back home cuz her lil fake ass boo wouldnt pick up his phone. yea i was extra pissed that night didnt get home til like 5am. its just sooooo much going on up there lol one of the co-managers (the one who likes me and keeps me there til 2am yea her) be buying all this shit to make her segments and then goes and returns all the shit at another store (its only me and one other chick that has peeped this shit out so far) i mean its just too fuckin much. so as much as i enjoy...no scratch that...as much as i fuckin LOVE that discount i dont kno if its worth it...but i finally got my bebe shoes that i *heart* and was sooooo pressed to wear yesterday and got lots of compliments but my 2 big toes are still mad at me...so im sending up prayers for them as well...

aint they purdy?? almost all of my shoes are made to kill my feet...thank GOD for uggs and minnetonka boots lol!! and dont smoke me too bad i kno my feet white as hell lol!!!

ok now i coulda slapped a bitch last night the way my feet were throbbing lol but i managed to take get some pics and i even smiled in them lol...
oh yea and them bitches that i had to kick to the curb...they gettin messy as shit and its so funny to me cuz now everything is being exposed. but why one of them bitches tried to tell this dude not to talk to me no more (she must have seen us going back and forth on fb) and when he was like he aint doin that cuz he dont have a problem with me the miserable bitch got all in her feelings lol...thats why i told them WHEN U SEE ME IN THE STREETS REMEMBER U DONT KNO ME!!! lol lol lol but its ok cuz my president is BLACK and unlike SOME people i VOTED!!!
ok enough with the pics im starting to treat this blog like its fb or something...anyway im working on a picture blog of my tats...stay tuned...oh and im on twitter so if u on there hit me up...

inaugural wrap up lol

2009-01-21T14:03:00.021-05:00

so this weekend was crazy i didnt make it to love at all which i wasnt too happy about (because my main goal was to party with some famous peeps...or at least get close enough to take some pics lol) fri i was out and saw ron brownz (does he count?)...hes a cutie...
and heres me lol...
sat was a hot mess...slept all day...went to the part time and then met up with a couple friends to go to one of the unoffical preinaugural balls that were being held and it was ghetto as FUCK...ran out of food...not enough seating...people cussin out the wait staff...a hot mess. black folk we gotta do better!!! then we made our way over to union station and it was WEAK...

sun was the concert at the lincoln memorial and it was loads of people out there...we actually had a pretty good spot and could see the stage (from a distance trust lol)...very inspirational i can tell u that (for obvious reasons) and the fact that some 40 odd years ago MLK delivered his i have a dream speach on those very steps and here we were celebrating our first black prez...

pic of the crowd and the dumb ass people sitting/standing on top of the port-o-potties...yes people were in trees and everything lmao...
im not gonna post all the pics here thats impossible but here are some (the rest are on fb hit me)

mjb doin what she does best...
garth brooks brought down the MF house for real...
stevie with shakira and usher (not pictured obviously)
man of the hour...

and of course the one yall been waiting for...sorry a.m. this was the best i could do lol...
us goofin around...it really wasnt that cold out there lol
mon was kind of a bust but i did go out tho i will not say where lol...was chillin with my bebe fam

and then we have tues...the main the event...the event i said i would not attend due to the temps, the crowds, and the fact that i aint have no ticket and therefore if i was gonna watch obama on a screen why not the 42 inch plasma in my damn living room??? i was out there anyway it was fuckin ridiculous, couldnt see shit, almost had to cuss some people out, and had to walk (those of u from around here will appreciate this shit) from l'enfant plaza all the way to the stop at arlington cemetary...walkin across bridges and everything ok!!! lets just say my daughter was going the fuck off...BUT it sure beat the hell outta waiting 2 hours to get on the train back at l'enfant plaza which i heard was ridiculous (brei blog please). i was back on my side of town by 2 or 3 and was back home in time to watch the parade...perfect. im glad i went actually...

just look at the CROWD!!!!
dont knock the hussle...dude was chargin $5 for pics with this damn cardboard obama...
poor george bad enough he got booed by the crowd and smoked by obama at the inauguration...my guess is people threw shit at this afterwards lol...
me again lol...
great pic right???
stopping to rest on the memorial bridge...heres a pic of my little one but u cant really see her face...nice background tho...
all in all it was a great experience and i can actually say i was a part of it!!! i dont think the magnitude of what happened yesterday will really hit us until much later on down the line...historians are gonna write about this shit and our grandkids are gonna ask us what it was like to expierence it all just as we have disected our parents and grandparents stories about goin thru the times of the civil rights movement...obama dont fuck this up!!! hope yall enjoyed ur weekends were able to participate in some way, shape, or form...now i gotta go deal with this leak in my bathroom...damn apartment living...oh and am i the only one who HATED the dress michelle wore last night????

i'll be back

2009-01-19T17:13:00.003-05:00

so based on alllllll the comments from the previous post im guessing yall havent read most of my stuff (its not a lot and its entertaining...if i do say so myself...so help urselves).

this weekend has been long as hell, im tired, my legs hurt like shit, and i still havent done what i really wanted to do this (other than attend the concert at the lincoln memorial yesterday) so ive got 2 nights left (i will NOT be going to the inauguration, parade, or ANYTHING else tomorrow during the day) to make some things happen...

more stories and pics to come i promise!! hope yall are having a greaaaat weekend!!!!

UGH!!!!

2009-01-15T16:20:00.004-05:00

so i saw the married dude at a job function today (he did NOT see me thank GAWD) and now im all in my feelings...

**sigh**

lessons learned:

do not fuck ur friends (ruined friendship...CHECK) and do not fuck ur co-workers (awkward moments...CHECK)

oh...yea...and do not fuck married people (brokenheartedcuzhewouldntleavehiswifeforu...CHECK)

ok ok im not brokenhearted...more like disappointed at the way things turned out and sad cuz i lost my friend...with a lil anger thrown in for good measure lol.

a lil bit of this...a lil bit of that

2009-01-14T11:36:00.003-05:00

soooooo theres a hush-hush swingers party at love tonight hosted by a very high profile hollywood couple...take...a...wild...guess lol c'mon!! give up? its will and jada bitches!!!! yea they kickin the inauguration off with a fuckin swingers party. i hear dc is supposed to be one of the top places for swingers hmmmm...if i can get a babysitter me and my friend goin down there to check it out. he has to come with me because a dude can only attend a swingers party with a female (YES there are rules if u can believe that)...speaking of love i need to be there on friday!! jay z has rented the club out so this aint like when the club pays a celeb to come and then they barely show up at 1am and dont even perform or nothing...no no no he rented the club out which means him and beyonce and a shit-load of other celebs will most def be in the building. again...i need to be in attendance lol.

alsooooo if u live in the dc area there is a FREE concert at the lincoln memorial on sunday with performers such as beyonce, alicia keys, usher, will.i.am, shakira, and the list goes on and on lol. now i realize its gonna be as cold as a snowmans balls outside on sunday and i also realize its going to be more people out there than ive probably ever seen in one place BUT i think it will be well worth it...as long as we get out there early lol. thats my goal anyway...so i guess im kinda gettin excited about this weekend...i just wish my damn cuz was 21 already!!!!!! damn u!!

so people are def comin in bebe seriously lookin for shit to wear this weekend and its hilarious. this one chick came up in there last night lookin for a dress to wear to love on friday (yes i was hatin lol) and as shes leaving she like "yea i hope its not too crowded" it took all of my willpower NOT to bust out laughing in her face. crowded? poor thing! she has no idea what shes even in for lol. speakin of bebe we always gotta be on the lookout for sneaky ass thieves so whenever people come in there we gotta be on them "like white on rice" as one of my managers loves to say (hilarious). so its some people on one side of the store so i go over and act like im doin something but im really watchin them...its a white couple (guy and gal) and its 2 black dudes waiting on a chick thats in the dressing room (i followed them over to that side of the store with the white couple). now they are simply walkin around talkin mindin their own damn business but the minute they walk into the area the white dude starts STARING (the chick is oblivious to everything and is lookin at clothes). so because hes staring at them i start staring at him and its wild. like first hes just lookin at them in general but he has this look on his face like hes ready for the attack or some shit...then he stares intently at one for about 5 seconds too long and then the other...all with this crazy ass wild look in his eyes (scared my ass) and then he must have felt me staring at him so he looks at me and i look away cuz i dont want no problems with his fake vin diesel ass lmao. but that shit was crazy...never seen no shit like that before. and then to top it all off...right before we closed this one crazy anorexic fragile lookin chick came in there tryin to return these items. now the manager i was working with INSISTS that i turn all the clothes inside out and inspect them thoroughly (which i hate) and when i turn the dress inside out it looks as if its been worn...and by worn i mean there are dead skin particles stuck to the fabric of the dress (YES i almost threw up) so the manager is like ok i cant take this back its been WORN. the fragile anorexic chick then throws a hissy fit complete with tears talkin bout she cant believe she is being accused of wearing the dress. it was hilarious!!! like she was actually hurt!! i had to walk away it was just too much!!! i tell u the funny shit that goes DOWN!!

thats just my bady daddy!!!

2009-01-12T21:46:00.004-05:00

at the club on friday we met a bunch of random dudes everyone was tryin to buy us drinks and shit but i wanted to show yall a pic of my future baby daddy hehehe according to him anyway...my girl said our kids would be invisible but she would love them anyway...he said they would be cute and would have some pretty eyes lol...what yall think?? will the real slim shady please stand up??!

ramble ramble blah blah

2009-01-12T11:07:00.007-05:00

so its been a week since d-day #2 occurred (u can read about d-day #1 here) and i realize that some people will never change, some people just dont get it, and i never wanna talk about none of that bullshit ever again. do i need to wait on an apology? no cuz at this point an apology would be like putting a bandaid on a broken arm or some shit. the damage has been done but it would have been a nice gesture from the one who started all the bullshit and the fact that u care about what other people will say about u apologizing lol thats hilarious are u ur own woman or NOT? d-day #3 will be inauguration day and i kno its going down in the dmv jumping off with the jay z concert this week...the tickets sold out in minutes but i cant see spending $500 for some fuckin jay z concert tickets!!!! thats crazy. anyway i hope hope hope i see some celebs this weekend!!! i also considered heading out inauguration day (this thought originally occurred to me around 11pm election night when it was realized that obama was actually gonna win) but...the past week its been cold as monkey balls like unbearably cold like cold enough to make u wanna slap some damn body for no apparent reason cold lol...and its gonna be packed...the streets...the metro...shit is gonna be shut down in dc and they need people to work at bebe cuz like i said shit is gonna be shut down and its gonna be hard as hell to get in and around the area...which sucks for us people that actually live here but since its for a good cause its ok by me. plus i get 2 days off next week giving me a 4 day weekend and i'll be off that fri giving me a 2 day work week next week...greaaaaat...hope that made sense to someone...lol. soooooo is anyone coming to the "urea" this weekend to join in the festivities??? are yall natives gonna be doin anything??? i still havent figured it all out yet but we shall see. i do kno that i am going to the melting pot with my 2 fav cuzzos tomorrow to dip me some brownies, strawberries, cheesecake bites, graham crackers, spoons, and fingers (among other things) into some melted chocolate....mmmmmmm. if u never been there u need to go ASAP....also please check out my cuz's blog (uh oh yall got a lil punctuation from me right there lol)...bookmark it, follow it, comment, etc

http://chantelstalking.blogspot.com/

and what is it about bringing ur lunch to work that makes u wanna eat extra damn early?? lol fuck it...its almost 1130 technically its lunch time lol time to eat and get my work day started....oops did i really just say that?! oh and i went to love on fri for the first time in a longggg time and my gawd it was men on top of men in there so that might have to be my new fri night hot spot...shout out to my girl donk (tryin to stick with my nick names on here lol).

time is NOT on my side

2009-01-09T14:02:00.006-05:00

i was raised by my grandmother and besides being known as one of the sweetest most caring women out there (she taught ME about unconditional love) she was notorious for being LATE hence me saying its in my blood. we were late every damn where we went...church, school, extracurricular activities, bday parties, u name IT we were late to IT. so over the years i see myself getting progressively worse with this and every week i say self this is getting fuckin ridiculous u betta start gettin ur lazy ass up or its gonna be a problem (someting along those lines) but it doesnt work. on monday i gave it the good ‘ole college try and well...u all kno what happened with that and the week just went downhill from there. due to my extreme laziness i inadvertently gave myself a 5 day weekend (this was pointed out to me yesterday) and while those are great and i have hundreds of hours of annual leave to use at my discretion (happy federal government employee here) i am now disgusted with myself and am convinced that more sleep only begets more fuckin sleep. not good. i got more hours of sleep this week than should be humanly possible but sleep has always been such a good friend to me, i digress. soooooo guess what? next week ima try to do better lol.

anyway i shall be staying at the almighty bebe for the time being. the decision on who was to stay and who was to go was left up to the one manager who loves me the most (they all like me but her...theres something different there) so i knew i was good to go and after glancing over the new spring catalog i couldnt be more pleased...no fuckin psyched is more like it...anyway i shall be hanging with my bebe folks tomorrow night and im actually lookin forward to it and meeting and hanging with new people since i had to kick some old ones to the curb...speaking of THAT situation i see that post really resonated with a lot of yall and all i can say to that is DAMN SHAME!!!! anddddd 2 of the bitches involved tried to come to me after the fact and smooth things over via email (one was clearly scared i was gonna see her ass out somewhere and fuck her up) and to that i said its so funny how when everyone attempted (a weak attempt at that) to call me out on shit it was done in front of the whole group to put me on blast yet when people try to smooth things over its done privately lol...the fake shit continues people!!! everyone and i mean everyone who has heard the details of this story was like fuck them fake bitches and not that i needed any validation in my decisions but it was like even more of a damn wake up call...life goes on my friends and on that note i am running out to find me a new nose ring which i should have done weeks ago...im still wearing the shit they used when i first got it done and someone told me that u supposed to switch it out asap plus i cant even figure how to get it out lol so wish me luck...happy friday!!!

reasons, seasons, and lifetimes

2009-01-06T11:48:00.006-05:00

theres a saying that some people are only brought into ur life for a season while others are brought into ur life for a lifetime (something along those lines) and i find it interesting that sometimes we try and force people to stick around for the long haul or we talk ourselves into believing that they should be around for a lifetime and it doesnt work cuz its not meant. and sometimes people leave and come back cuz its a connection there...its meant.

ive basically had the same friends (save a few here and there) for over 10 years and after 10 years i think its obvious that there will be fights, arguments, disagreements, or what have you and thru all of that u say well they my friend and i love them so u get over it and keep it moving when u should have taken heed and moved on...

some real fake shit went down yesterday and i spent my whole fucking day arguing about shit that happened in 2008!!! yes u read that right...we are in a new year and people are still pissed about 2008 bullshit. shit that i havent even thought about since it happened. ya kno when u have 2 jobs, are in grad school, and taking CARE OF BUSINESS u dont have time for bullshit. u dont have time to sit around and sice up nonsense and to let shit FESTER and INFECT ur soul...ur too busy doin REAL SHIT that is about growth and enlightenment!! this is some real stagnant shit and its almost been a year and no one has grown within any of these friendships. bitches are still broke, still angry, still miserable and dont kno why, still dont have a REAL man, still talkin shit behind one anothers back, still spreading everyones business to the world, still spreading lies, still takin shit out of context and running with it, still tryin to cuss people out thinkin its cute, still tryin to throw shit in ur face, still not practicing what they preach, still havent done SHIT!!!!! i cant be about this shit. does anyone realize we are now closer to 30 than 20? this is some highschool ass shit. i live my life the way i want. i let go of childhood hurts a long time ago. i dont trip off shit i cant control. i dont need validation, approval, acceptance, etc from anyone in this world other than ME. i sleep good every fuckin night. no one not even my fuckin childs father with all his bullshit has been able to upset me to the point where i couldnt sleep. if i say or write something that offends someone thats ur low self esteem not mine. if u have to twist my words to make it apply to u get a fuckin life. if u kno ur SHIT STINKS dont fucking attempt to point out that mine is funky bitch! yesterday many things became to clear to me...people revealed their true selves to the point where i couldnt ignore it ANYMORE. i see u...the real u. CLARITY is a BLESSING!!

and since my BLOG has become the topic of much fodder (look it up bitch if u dont kno what it means) this one has been sent to ALL of u...now go ahead...pick every word apart...twist my words around to see if im talkin about u...sit around the dinner table and discuss it...let it sit and fester to the point where u cant sleep (again) or u wanna jump out there and say u gonna fuck me up when u kno u dont even fuckin roll like that and never have!! to my blog family thank u for reading...thank u for all ur comments...thank u for getting me!!!

i hate mondays...part duex!

2009-01-05T08:06:00.004-05:00

now ive been saying since about friday that i was so not looking forward to going back to work on monday morning...updated my fb status to reflect that sentiment and commented on anyones status who shared my feelings...hell i almost created a fb group...fuck work on monday...or something to that affect but one of my fb friends kindly brought me back to reality by saying "we have bills. we will be at work come monday morning"...touche my friend...touche...

so i woke up this morning fairly early (not as early as i should be up but early enough to be on time for a change) and as im getting last minute things together im like wtf are my damn keys?! i dump my purse (disturbing unto itself) and run around looking in pockets and shit trying to find my damn keys...and they are no where to be found...FUCK (i really wore that word out this morning)

***flashback***

after finding the apartment and elementary school of my "dreams" i promptly moved to VA, proudly announcing to everyone that i knew that i was ONLY 4 miles from work, about a mile (or less probably) from the elementary school, and that everything else i could need or want was within a 5 mile radius from my home...aint life grand?? oh i was bragging to everyone that me and ***** could walk to school if we wanted to and everything...lol...

***back to reality***

just imagine my surprise (DISMAY) this morning when i actually had to do that shit...i walk outside and glance around and in the car just to make sure (no keys) and then i accept the cold hard shitty truth...we walkin it out...damn u monday...damn u to hell...

i will spare u the boring details of me huffing and puffing dragging my daughter up the street or about how i sat there watching her eat her school breakfast trying to prolong the walk back or how i looked at her like she had gone completely crazy when she asked why i didnt just walk to work...i walked back trying to figure out how i was gonna get to work...cursing the name of everyone who didnt answer their phone this morning...cursing the fact that i was no longer talkin to married dude...and cursing the day my car was stolen with the spare and valet keys in the fuckin glove box...

as i walked back to the entrance of my building i sadly looked around my car once again and see the cleaning lady in the rental office...my one last ray of hope...i cross my fingers and ask if she found any car keys...her face lights up and she says yes then hands me...my...fucking...keys. someone hung them on the rental office door knob she tells me...ahhhhhhhhhh VA...VA is for lovers damnit not haters!! had i been in SUITLAND maryland my shit would have been gone...GONEEEEE i tell u!!! so...thank you to the kind, trustworthy, VA lovin ass residents in my building you all are the best...

now im gonna make my way to work (first stopping to get my ass some french toast stix from BK) and then im gonna try to enjoy the rest of my damn day...and yall do the same!!

reality bites

2009-01-02T21:23:00.007-05:00

ok so ive come to the conclusion that new years eve SUCKS. if u aint drunk out of ur mind the only thing left to do is sit and ponder all of the shit that didnt happen for/to u (or the shit that did happen that u aint want to happen) in the previous year...yes a whole year went by and i didnt...(u fill in the blank). not that great right? so ive kinda been in a lil funk since NYE, tho i did go out to chill with friends for a couple hours i came home and was sad and then i cried (a lil...not a lot lol). so my funk has clearly lead to insanity because ive had the craziest thoughts...no not like jumping off my balcony (i live on the 1st floor so im about 99.9% sure that id survive that fall) but even crazier like getting pregnant by u kno who lol yea the same retard who makes my life miserable but thanks to my extreme lonliness ive been entertaining for the past couple days...yea i kno...gross right?

i was reading bloggal's post and one of the comments said "My secret is that i'm scared to be forgotten. leavin no legacy really scares me"...which got me to thinkin about what im scared of...im scared of not getting what i want out of life (tho i do realize i control my own destiny)...im scared of growing old and being alone (tho i do realize and it has been pointed out to me that i will never meet anyone sitting at home hanging with my girls)...im scared i wont be a good mother (tho i do realize that i have done a great job with what ive been given)...so here i am stuck in my lil rut or funk or whatever u wanna call it...i mean dont get me wrong im def happy '08 is FINISHED but its a lil depressing at the same time

ok enough with the pity party lol...moving on...i am so not looking forward to going back to work on MONDAY!!! for the past month or so ive been playing around, slacking, etc and now its time to get back on my grind...gotta cut back my hrs at the part time, get back in the groove of working 9-5 (or 8-4 or 3 or whatever), gotta get prepared for the spring semester to get started, and getting me and baby girl back on schedule PERIOD. see how the holidays will fuck u up!!!!

i am sooo lookin forward to some new INK!!! i cant wait...its tax season bitches and im READY for my various REFUNDS lol...

goodbye 2008...hello 2009...

2008-12-31T02:15:00.003-05:00

since today is NYE (still no concrete plans yet which SUCKSSSSS) i decided to do a post reminiscing on 2008...2008 wasnt a great year for me but i survived it all nonetheless lol...

(the good stuff) in 2008 i...

* finally became a grown up...i moved out and got my own place...although its been expensive as hell its been well worth it...good times have been had by many lol and my daughter is in a great school
* i started grad school...and even tho it was for all the wrong reasons lol im still proud of myself and my got some pretty good grades to boot
* i semi-entered into a career field that im actually interested in and even relates to my major in undergrad...amazing
* made it thru the whole year without a much deserved/needed breakdown...i just need my sleep and all is better when i wake up
* got 7 tattoos this year...yes 7 and no i am not done i got at least the next 3 ideas floating in my head right now...u can call me kat von d all u want i dont care

(the bad stuff) in 2008 i...

* lost 2 friends...and not like something serious like they died or some shit...i lost 2 friends to some petty shit...like u kno cuz one was married and we couldnt keep our hands off each other so we had to fall back...way back or like one got pissed cuz i went to the beach instead of traveling 4 hrs to hang with her so she actually scolded me and accused me of choosing my other 2 girlfriends (need to think up some names for them asap) over her all the time lol...
* spent way too much money...more money than i would even wanna attempt to estimate...and while i did spend a lot of money gettin shit for my new place the majority of it went to...clothes and shoes...and a new purse...smh
* did NO traveling which damn near killed me
* had tons and tons of DRAMA and sadly enough it ALL revolved around my dumb ass baby daddy (besides that link u can read up about him just about everywhere else lol)...the ways he tries to stay relevant in my life honestly crack me up...i mean to go thru so much trouble...we have a child together thats ur connection right there...u are forever a part of my life (unfortuantely) so u dont have to go to such extremes babe...
* cried...a lot...way too much...over the same 2 motherfuckers...not cool

in 2009 i look forward to...

* a raise + the locality increase for the dmv = a damn good look for me lol...damn good
* gettin some more stamps on my passport or at least traveling within the us good lord somethin
* my bday (26 baby!!) and my daughters bday...its always a blessing to see another year
* workin at bebe (fingers crossed) so i can get all the fly spring/summer shit for cheap lol
* more sleep...lol
* getting in shape lmaooooooo
* all the fun, drama, fuckery, tears, laughs, cussin, etc that the universe sees fit to throw my way cuz i kno im gonna get thru all of it and i will be stronger and better because of it!!

NOW...because i am a slightly superstitious person i have to add this...the saying goes that the way u bring in the new year is the way u will spend the new year...last year i went out with the baby daddy even tho i didnt wanna (wanted to hang with my friends) and he was all up in my shit and i had an attitude cuz he drove...and i was STUCK with him...alllllll night...and even tho i was pissed and he got on my nerves i made the best of it...heres the funny part...alllll year long i was STUCK with him all up in my shit...and even tho i was pissed and he got on my nerves i made the best of it...exactly. now i could go on and on about my past NYEs but i wont...just keep that lil tidbit in mind is all im sayin!!!

so...yall be safe out there tonight...and dont do nothin i wouldnt do (hehehe)

im back...with a bang (literally lol)

2008-12-29T21:38:00.003-05:00

tha block got kinda hot so i had deaded all traffic thru my blog for a minute but then i realized i aint give a fuck about whos checkin out my shit so im back...with a bang...literally (hence the title of the post lol). after about a 6 week hiatis my bang is back in effect baby. even tho i been rockin a bang for like a couple years now it just never gets old...i leave then i come right back lol. so this is my shining glory (i guess although ive debated donating or selling the shit quite a few times)...and the reason why people come up to me every fuckin day askin me what color i use, did i just get a fresh color job, etc and then when i tell them no i get THE LOOK like yea right bitch and then...so uve NEVER put no color on ur hair??? uh NO...so is it all urs??? uh YES and then finally...finally...a compliment...ur so blessed (am i really??), ur so lucky (its just hair), its so pretty (why thank u). and then of course all the random touching...thats a major invasion of personal space damnit (fyi). i dont think i ever took my hair that serious...its been a bunch of different lengths i started cutting my hair when i was about 8 years old (ugh plz dont remind me about the damn red afro i rocked circa '91-'92...and my gma has the nerve to keep that family photo on the mantle). anyway ive decided that i am not gonna cut my hair (or trim it i guess u could say) until the summer (june) just to see how long it will grow. i need about 3-4 more inches before im at my desired length...maybe i'll do some now and later pics just...

anyway today while i was at the part time one of the managers came in sick talkin bout he had been throwin up and shit (MF why didnt u stay ur ass at home)...so for a minute i was doin a good job of holding my breath every time he came around but then...he caught me off guard. he came up right beside me and breathed damn near right into my nose...and it smelled like DEATH ok people i was like what the fuckkkkk. an hour later my damn throat was hurting and now i feel like shit...came home and popped 2000mg of vitamin c but i think i might have been a day late and dollar short...whatever he has/had is SERIOUS!!! so im gonna go try to sleep it off...and let the vitamin c attempt to take effect...

oh but just for shits and giggles im gonna post a pic from sat night (since most of yall aint my friends on fb)...this was the one tragedy of the night...my friends boots and the bottom of her pants failed to meet...its a damn shame too...they probably would have gotten along smashingly...

its late...no title

2008-12-29T01:24:00.003-05:00

its late and ima be hurtin in the mornin but what else is new lol...

i spoke to married dude and realized hes still confused and talkin in circles...some things will never change...but thats cool i was able to get some shit off my chest and he continued to repeat himself lol. he kept sayin how much he missed me and how he aint kno what he was gonna do not bein able to talk to me or see me lol and i told him that if it was that serious he would do something about it...more circles and more repeating...i was done. what im gonna miss most (if i never speak to him again) is my friend he was like the one person i could have serious philosophical in depth conversations with (on a daily basis) and i didnt have to dumb myself down to deal with him either...there was a serious connection...on many different levels (his words)...ahhhh well...

last night i went out with the girls...girls are funny and never cease to amaze me...even these girls whom i have known for years upon years lol. i almost got cussed out for sayin that i was checkin for a dude one of my friends (lets just call her ankle boots based on what she was wearin last night...major inside joke lol) used to deal with a few years ago yet ankle boots let another one of our friends (lets call her donk...cuz she got a serious one lol luv ya babe) get another dudes number at the club that she also used to deal with back in the day, saw him again in the mall, exchanged numbers with him, proceeded to invite him to my damn house party, and halfway agree to meet him on xmas eve (all while she has a "bf" btw) before tellin donk what was goin on lol but of course that all gets over looked. i swear some shit is just ass backwards lol...and why oh why do girls get excited over boys only after i show some interest? this is a phenomenom that has been happenin to me since hs damnit whats up with that? as me and one of my old (ex) friends used to say...EVERYTHING boils down to self esteem!!!! its true. i caught him lookin at me quite a few times so if i see his ass out somewhere its a rap lol...and look friend dont be blowin my phone up after u read this either (dont worry im still gonna put the ankle boot pic on fb...sometime tomorrow...after i get off...from the pt lol)

i think i like posting in this yellow color...

F.A.S. (men...need i say more??)

2008-12-26T01:42:00.005-05:00

about a month ago i was at the mall on my break and this dude approached me (funny cuz i rarely get approached these days) and even tho he wasnt that cute he was persistent and since i cant say no when people put me on the spot i gave him my number...and he has called me non stopfor the past month. now usually once he says his name i just hang up but then he started calling me blockin his number (never answer when its provate like lil wayne says lol) but sometimes i would still answer and still hang up on this dude after he said who it was...yet he kept calling!!

fast forward to tonight...a strange number pops up and i answer its him (surprise) so instead of hanging up i decide to listen to what he has to say (big mistake). so we talkin and then all of a sudden this nigga busts out in a song shakey voice and all talkin bout he just wanna chill and get to kno me blah blah...i immediately bust out laughin and to play it off im like oh u probably sing to all the girls dont u?!? what in the hell????? omg is this what dudes have resorted to just to get some play??? so since he now has 2 strikes against him (#1 callin me after 1am...its only a handful of select people that can do that and #2 the shakey voice song) im tryin to get off the phone ASAP but this dude is still going talkin bout can he see me tonight...uh fuck no!!! but the 3rd strike...that comes when the MF asks me to come pick him up...FINISHED!!!!!!!! DONE!!! DONEEEE!!! what is the world really coming too??? now thats some funny shit...and to top it all off married dude starts poking me on fb (no i did not remove him as a friend even tho i said i was) tryin to get a conversation going talkin bout he misses me (yea i said u would and figured that from all the status updates and things). so im like wtf for real...HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF i swear!!!!

ps...my uncle got on my fuckin nerves tonight and i was sooooo glad when everyone LEFT!!!

Merry Christmas!!!

2008-12-25T16:32:00.002-05:00

enjoy everyone and be safe!!!!!

love/hate

2008-12-24T01:45:00.006-05:00

in honor of the ambigram tat that i miiiight be getting in the near future im dedicating this post to all things that i love and hate...enjoy lol...

love....
leggings
hugs
chocolate (men as well as the candy lol)
the smell of clean clothes
my new lashes (lol)
truth (tho it may hurt)
tattoos (clearly)
books
uggs
thanksgiving
hearts
extended naps
the feeling u get when u dont have to do a damn thing

hates...
internet gangstas
being cold
fakeness
almost all veggies (bleh...onions make me VOMIT)
bitchassness
feeling limited
the grind of workin a 9-5
the feeling u get when u kno u got all types of shit and obligations to fulfill

i am a pisces and by nature a procrastinator...so that last one kills me lol...im also a lover...not a fighter but the claws come out when necessary as some people saw today ah well...

boo why u on fb everyday now all of a sudden and whats up with all the status changes? i think ur talkin about me...and that makes me feel bad like ur goin thru (which i assumed u would) which made me wanna reach out to u...really...but as my enlightened cousin pointed out ur doin ur soul searching which i said would be needed...in a previous post. so i fell back...

its technically christmas eve...whoopee!!! i am looking forward to a half day tomorrow (no work at the part time yesssss) which means i can come home and sleep uninterrupted for hourssssss...lovely!

hey YOU

2008-12-23T01:08:00.005-05:00

i waited on u and aint hear nothin...u lucky as fuck that i had other business to take care of on that side of town or u would be gettin cussed out here, on ur own blog, and u'd have a nice lil fuckin email in ur inbox that would make a sailor cry. im not gonna do that tho...i will be mature and just say this...whoever tha fuck u are kick rocks biatch. dont come on my fuckin blog bein all nosey and leavin comments and shit...DONT. dont email me and dont call me EVER. im done with u!! now moving on...my new lashes ROCK. GD im a sexy beast!!!!

please feel free to enlarge this pic to really get into the lashes and i will be happy to give u a referral if u from the area...dmv baby!!

this is me...then

2008-12-22T17:35:00.009-05:00

im tired...and not tired like some of yall motherfuckers out there that dont do shit...im tired cuz i work two jobs, one of which keeps me up way too late at night and the other which requires me to be up way too damn early in the morning...not a good combination. but the part time job is cool...its fun...and the people there make me laugh. all extra time has been devoted to sleep which causes me to be late to both jobs every day lol...im late to everything anyway its in my BLOOD. im kinda glad im busy cuz i dont have to think about u so in my mind im over it...works for me lol.

i had so much fun on sat (update)...i kissed 1 too many people but i blame it all on the mistle toe. thanks to all that made it out (yes you too even tho u left wayyyyy early). this is a pic of me...in the zone lmao!!

heres another one for the road...all the rest are on my beloved facebook...theres plenty of ass, breast, and girl on girl spanking pics on my page...im currently accepting all friend requests lol...

didnt think i could do it but....

2008-12-20T05:39:00.001-05:00

i stayed up all fucking NIGHT yep...its 540am here...

i wonder as i wander...

2008-12-20T02:25:00.010-05:00

as i sit here downloading music for the crunk ass party im hosting at my place tomorrow (sorry babe there miiiight not be any ammaretto there) and eating a tuna sandwhich im left pondering the many thoughts that cloud my head (i typed heart first by mistake...interesting)...

starting with...why tha fuck am i just getting home from working at a goddamn gig thats supposed to be part-time?? what are u people doing to meeeeee???

sunny delight is the shit yea i had to bring it back and im talkin bout the tangy original not that new california shit they tried to bring out lol

why is it that some people have nothing better to do with their time and resources then to fuck with other people? i mean like really sit around and think of some sick ass shit to do to innocent people just trying to mind their own damn business and live their lives. i mean what is that shit about really?? u dont see how sad and pathetic and downright laughable that makes u look??

u miss where tha fuck did u come from?? now i see why some people's have their blog set up where it can only be viewed by invitation...but im not gonna do that...i need my thoughts and words to be available to the masses lol ahhhhh if only to bring a smile to ur faces...i aint shutting my shit down either friend...i dont care who finds/comes across/reads/etc it!!

a girl came into bebe today that i went to high school with...when she was in 11th or 12th grade (either way she was older than me) she came to school with one of her front teeth missing...apparently her boyfriend whom she was living with at the time had knocked it out. yea we had strippers, cross dressers, and everything else going to my highschool...fun times. anyway im glad to see that it has since been repaired...she gave me her number...maybe i will invite her over tomorrow...

u tho are no longer invited to my party i pray that u dont show up...i kno u wont...oh yea whoever keeps adding people to my evite is an asshole...but i kno who it is and the asshole role is what he does best...

next week is christmas...are u ready? im not lol i aint gettin shit anyway...lets all remember to celebrate the birth of sweet baby jesus...he is the reason for the season dont forget...

i got a new referral for false eyelashes today (damn that part time job is so resourceful)...but its like allll the way on the other side of town so i have to figure out how to squeeze that and getting my hair done in tomorrow all before like 2...shit maybe i should just pull an all nighter lol...nah that was a joke lol lol that is not happening at all.

i got my next 2 tats figured out somewhat...one will be an ambigram saying either saint/sinner OR love/hate its a thin fucking line between both ya kno?? the other tat will say "love conquers all" and its gonna be on my right shoulder. anyway i'll be working on getting one of them before feb...stay tuned...

i cant wait for tomorrow...i promise to be drunk off patron by 9pm sharp!! pics will be uploaded to fb promptly as always...if u wanna see u gonna have to 1. find me and 2. request me as a friend at which time u might be denied and unable to view the pics anyways but it would be well worth the try nonetheless (i like that word)...hahaha here comes the fb pic tagging mrs lmao!

good night...or is it good morning??? ahhhh well whatever lol...

she hATe u

2008-12-18T10:37:00.004-05:00

this is still not the actual post ive been meaning to write but whatever...

yes i saw u yesterday and i kno that u saw me too and i heard u beep at me but i kept walkin...aint even look back. u probably cried ur whole way home i hope so too cuz i cried some of my GD lashes off yesterday!!! since u dont have me to talk to from the time u get up in the morning until the time u lay ur nappy ass head down at night i hope u do some soul searching and figure out how u got into this situation and why u let someone force u to marry them and why u pretending u all happy and shit. ASS!! one of my male friends told me that men cheat because there is something lacking in their relationship (be it spiritual, physical, mental, whatever) and that the main piece provides him with some of the things that he needs and the side piece provides what the main piece aint...so together they provide him 100%...i hope u work out all that is lacking in ur relationship (considering u been married for LESS than 6 months thats serious). shes so desperate she'll probably do anything to work it out...guess its back to counseling for yall lol...good luck hun.

and to **** ive never hated anyone more than i hate u. i should put all ur info out there bitch! u just a petty as motherfucker. the thing i dont understand is why u want me to be so miserable. what tha fuck did i ever do to u? are u trying to get back with me or something cuz this aint the fuckin way...ur driving us further and further a part. i dont even think i can be cordial to u...i just wanna yell and cuss every time i see ur name pop up on the screen...they say that the best gift u can give to ur child is to love their mother...u dont see how what ur doing to me is going to damage her? why would u wanna do that? u just turned 32 why dont u start acting like a fuckin adult now?

t-t-t-that dont kill me can only make me stronger. no person will EVER be able to break me down...EVER.

and im deleting u from my fb friends list i dont care if anyone thinks its petty...u dont deserve to see whats going on with my life asshole.

what a difference a day makes...

2008-12-16T19:24:00.007-05:00

flames to dust
lovers to friends
why must all good things come to an end??

my cuz had this quote (ie nelly furtado lyrics lol) on her fb page the other day and im stealing them...so what im in a pissy mood!!! they say that all good things must come to an end (and if we're lucky some bad things too) and that nothin lasts forever but somehow we are never prepared when the end actually arrives.

HE said that if YOU really cared about me there would be nothin HE could say or do to affect us...but it does...who wants to be contacted and threatened over and over with the bullshit?? i dont even wanna hear from him and we have a child together. so its overrrrrrrrr right? but its not fucking fair cuz when YOU leave ur going back to her...and hes going back to his...whatever it is that occupies his time...but me...im gonna be all alone...and that fuckin sucks. so my lonliness gets multiplied by like 100. ahhh not cool...if we are mirror images for real lets embrace that shit not keep fighting it!!

then HE is gonna fuckin tell me lets watch how long the next guy lasts (not long if HE keeps getting the short end of the stick)...THE SHORT END OF THE STICK?! bitch are u crazy?? oh yea thats right...i almost forgot im dealing with a fuckin lunatic here. fuck em all then...

and this was so not what i had planned on posting about tonight but shit and i mean SHIT happens. real post coming tomorrow then...

new post...

2008-12-15T01:48:00.006-05:00

i think i might be addicted to fake eyelashes now lmao...for real and i dont need to pick up no additional bills right now shit lol...

im off tomorrow na-na-na-na-naaaaah lol but its a good thing cuz the part time is clearly loosin their damn minds scheduling me til 12 am...what tha?!?! and why is the mall stayin open til 11pm and its empty as hell after 10!!!!!! makes no sense. speaking of the part time something funny happened but not haha funny but damn that was some weird shit funny (so it will not technically be a part of the F.A.S. series that im workin on).

on sat i didnt have enough time to get my hair done so she just fixed it up a lil but then i had to roll to the part time sooooooo i get there and this spanish chick is in the back and she going on and on about how she wants to get her hair done but the person she regularly goes to is off and she dont kno what to do...the convo went a lil somethin like this...

me: yea i only go to one person and if she aint available then i dont get

my shit done period (and her schedule is way fucked up but i luv her

and she only charge me like $35 for my hair so i deal with it)

spanish chick: oh so where do u go??

me: well its in md (me thinkin that she would go ohhh thats too far

and that would be the end of it)

spanish chick: let me feel ur hair (im now weirded out but i bend over

let her touch it anyway)...what are u spanish?

me: no (bitch didnt u already ask me that before?)

spanish chick: white???

me: no (here we go)...im BLACK

spanish chick: really?! u got realy soft hair for a black person

me: dead as silence and a blank stare...no smile no frown just

blank...and im like did this bitch really just say that shit?? is this the

twilight zone or some shit???

so after that i cut the convo short and went to the front of the store still shakin my damn head...but then like 5 people felt comfortable enough to randomly touch my hair...like who just will be talkin or walkin by and reach out to touch another persons hair??? like i understand my shits all pretty and its long and it basically looks like a wig but its not...its real hair that grows out of my scalp which means u cant be all up in my shit like that. and stop running up to me asking which color i use bitches this is mother nature and she does her own fuckin random ass thing. maybe i should just start shutting people down when they be trying to touch my hair but i always thought people who did that were weird...but my friend told me people can put their bad ju-ju (as my uncle calls it) on u when they touch u and cuz ur hair is attached to ur head the bad ju-ju seeps in that much faster...some of yall can probably guess which friend that is lmao.

anyway...i need to find me a red headed dude or at least one with the recessive gene so we can have some weird pale ass red headed babies that would be cool...hey pink maybe hes on match.com ("its ok to look" lol)...

oh yea...im so proud of myself i aint buy one single damn thing today from bebe...and i didnt think it was possible...ha!!

F.A.S. (the dc madam)

2008-12-11T23:51:00.002-05:00

so while the real dc madam is probably somewhere gettin her 3 hots and a cot (ie. doin some hard time in a small ass cell somewhere) her apprentice/copycat/impersonator is walkin the streets of the dc metro area recruiting chicks...yep just regular ole chicks tryin to work their lil part time jobs at the mall...

last sat we were doin our thing at bebe when this woman walks in, looks around, and starts boasting about how her dude got her a $500 mall gift certificate and she tryin to spend it up. then shes like thats just her out of town boo cuz she got another one and an actual boyfriend and they all be spending all this $$$ on her...

me: YO WHERE DO I SIGN UP?!?!?!

she then goes on to explain how she meets these old rich white dudes at the ritz carlton hotel which is attached to the mall (oh shit i guess im giving my location away here lol)...now at this point some red flags are going off but im intrigued...very intrigued.

me again (a lil louder): WHERE DO I SIGN UP?!?!

this time she looks at me and gets all excited like oh girl they would LOVE you!!!! then shes like yea i be training all my girls how to figure out if the dude are worth ur time and proceeds to tell me the types of questions to ask a prospective guy (READ: JOHN) to figure out if hes down (READ: TRICKIN). so now all types of red flags, sirens, and bull horns are goin off but yet...still...intrigued...

me: so u dont have to do nothin with these dudes??

the new dc madam goes on to explain that the dudes just want to have secured dates when they come in town and how she got a 100% turnover rate with her girls etc etc and all the while im in complete awe...this shit is real. anyway before she left she gave me her card and wrote her info down...the card is now sitting on my ironing board...and i keep lookin at it. maybe i will go track her down tomorrow (yes she works in the mall too but i aint gonna put her out there and say where yall lol).

oh yea...heres another lil funny dity for ya (since last time i promised a 2 for 1 special and didnt deliver)...today this fuckin biatch had the nerve to ask me if i was pregnant...now unless she knos something that i dont im not and im thinkin bitch i kno these dd's might look like they full of milk andddd i kno i aint the skinniest chick but gotdamn!!! i clearly had to resist the urge to mush her young ass to the floor...probably would have lost my job and damnit im not finished with that discount yet lol.

a case of the mondays...

2008-12-08T18:46:00.004-05:00

have any of u ever heard of black people being referred to as mondays? well i hadnt until one of my friends told me about it over the summer and i was like damn...so next time the Ws at work start talkin bout they hate mondays give them the side eye so they kno that u kno they talkin shit lol. this is a random post for today but my F.A.S. series will continue...

- i love HIM hes such a sweetheart who writes me all types of mushy things and cant think straight when things arent right between us and says he needs me in more ways than one (smile)...i wanna have like 10 of his lil dredlock babies lol. but alas he has a situation so i told him no more what ifs if it aint no possibility of makin it happen he said who knows what possibilities exist...theres a reason y we keep getting separated and then reuniting...id give up all the red meat plus the other white meat all for u hun (ok honestly need all my pork chops, bacon, steaks, and burgers damnit).

- YOU sir are a piece of shit and although ive considered it more than once u'll never be getting fucked again...even tho u give tha best shape up (ie. head)...no not even for money...u should wanna support ur child financially regardless. u suck...when u finally get all that is coming to you that will be the best laugh of my life...

- i value my free time immensely so y get a part time job u ask? well i wanted (and needed) some extra spending money (see above) so here i am. although i am lovin the 50% discount on all things bebe (yea u read that right and dont be hatin), bebe has left me with no free time to attend all the functions ive been invited to in all my cute severely discounted clothes (frown). ive got 3 adult events, 2 kiddie events, and 1 xmas party im hosting at my house and they doin crazy shit like scheduling me for a 40 hr work week...what part of PART TIME JOB didnt u get? or was that just a ploy to get me up in there??

- i'm in training all day every day this week which sucks (the parking sucks too) but we have found ways to entertain ourselves in that class...plenty of entertainment up in there (but unfortunately no pieces lol).

- despite all the haters (mainly YOU...see above) i got an A and a B on my finals which means im lookin at like 2 B's for my 2nd semester in grad school. i was so stressed and unfocused this semester i almost withdrew from my classes but thats soooo not my style plus probably would have triggered something with my deferred loans and some more shit...those are problems that i do NOT need...i have enough right now thank u very much.

all done...oh yea im tryin to rent my apt out inaguration weekend so if anyone is interested holla...im in the middle of nothern va and less than 10 minutes by car, train, bus, cab, boat, or any other mode of transportation from all inaguration festivities...yall heard they trying to keep adams morgan open til 5am that weekend? now thats some crazy shit...

F.A.S. (2 for the price of 1)

2008-12-07T01:03:00.005-05:00

ok so ive always got some Funny Ass Shit (hence the title of this post) happening to me so im gonna start a series (bare with me im sleepy as hell right now).

anyway ive been meaning to write about this one for a while but just now getting around to it and something else happened today that i wanna write about (hence the 2 for 1 special). hope it aint too long...

anyway there's some dudes that be checkin for me at the real job who i entertain to an extent but for the most part i ignore (i will write more about this later). theres this one dude there lets just call him titties cuz at the picnic we had over the summer he played in the basketball tournament in a old ass wife beater and his titties (which had to be a full C cup) was bouncing allllll around (oh we had a field day lol). soooo one day he sees me in the hallway (i saw him out the periphial but ignored) and bam i get back to my desk and have an email from him (how and why did u figure out my first and last name??). so for like the past two months we been emailing at work and chattin on facebook every now and then...lets get to the point right? ok! one day while me and my gal pal at work was following our (yes our) crush around the hallways at work we ran into titties who just said hi and kept it moving...i get back to my desk and surpriseeeee i got another email from him...this is how that convo went...

titties: hey when u get a chance i need u to take me to giant real quick its an emergency
me: oh ok whats up? whats goin on??
titties: well i gotta go somewere tonight but i feel a cold sore coming on and need to get
some abreva immediately...
me forwarding the email to my gal pal: BITCH DONE!!!!!!!!!

ewwwwwwww!!! do u kiss ur kids with that disgusting mout of urs???? now if i were a guy and i liked a nice young lady such as myself i would never ever bring up the fact that i felt a big nasty crusty ass contageous herpes bump forming on my fuckin lip!!!!!! i mean damnit titties u couldnt think of nothin else? some tylenol for a headache? a damn money order?? some stamps?! GOD anything would have been better than that shit and in case u aint no u pretty much cemeted ur fate...not that u had a chance in hell anyway but ur totally DONE now!!!

ok i kno i said 2 for 1 but im sleepy as hell and my pseudo-boyfriend keep emailing me plus this was a funny ass post so i'll save the other story for another day (dont worry wont keep u waiting too long).

ps...y do people put all types of dumb embarassing shit in work emails hell emails period? dont u just kno that shit is gonna get forwarded and laughed at like 10 times within the first 20 seconds of u hitting the send button??? wake up people....oh and he is facebook friends with a blogger on here whose page ive come across lmao!!!! nope im not tellin either!

things i have learned over the past few days...

2008-12-01T22:53:00.003-05:00

i had a fantabulous thanksgiving day with all the fam and hope u all enjoyed as well...i also worked at the PT among other things. this is a list of things ive learned over the past few days (in no particular order of course)

1. standing at a cash register in 4 inch heels for about 7 hrs will totally kill ur feet...my lil piggies are still recovering...STILL...it was serious and i had to switch to flip flops for the last hr or so.

2. recession? what recession?! as far as i can tell the recession aint hit nobody in the dc metro area...the store was packed like crazy and on sat one old ass couple came in there and dropped 700 bucks like it was NOTHING the whole time im thinkin what is this old ass woman gonna do with all these leggins and freakum dresses. for real she was like 55 she was in real good shape tho gotta give her that lol.

3. rich italian ppl all look the same...the guy who started bebe (his name is manny) well on sun his cuz came into the store and she had that donatella versace look lmao u kno all plastic lookin with the big fat lips and shiny tight skin (manny has that look too lol) anyway one of the managers started freakin out like she was a real celeb lol and the woman wanted like 75% off all her shit it was hilarious.

4. too all the lil young bitches out there...u talk shit like a grown woman u gonna get ur ass beat like a grown woman...words to live by.

5. i was gonna add somethin about men bein assholes but i learned that a longgggg time ago so that dont really fit on this list

6. grown ass women (and by that i mean females that are in my age group) really do lie to their friends about who they fuckin and suckin...y??? now thats beyond me...i never thought it was that serious...especially when u kno u cant hold water and u gonna come out with it eventually and just make urself look like a immature AND insecure biatch.

7. u should always make sure u take care of all that excess hair that u tend to ignore in the wintertime or when we just not gettin any...dont do that ladies u always gotta be prepared lol.

ok so this has clearly been an eventful and enlightening weekend lol...had to take off today to recover and everything lol.

a passion for fashion...

2008-11-26T10:10:00.002-05:00

well sorta lol...i do love clothes but i need money to fuel my need of all things pretty and shiny (among other things). so a few weeks ago i began a journey in search of a part-time job...lets be real i only filled out 2 applications lmao. anyway after much fuss and ding donged-ness i am gonna start working this week...on black friday of course..at bebe...and i will not say which one cuz i dont want all yall up there trying to peep me hard at work (im jokinggggg). anyway i am soooo looking forward to the extra cash and the huge discount (im talkin 40-60% off people!!!!!). ive always hated retail (worked at target and v. secret wayyyy back in the day) and because of all the antics thats sure to go down in a store filled with women and like 2 gay dudes please look forward to many more posts on this subject lol.

anyway unless something hilarious happens i probably will not post for the rest of the week sooooo enjoy thanksgiving people...give thanks...be happy...be safe...and eat lots and lots...and lots lol i kno i am!!

give a MF an inch and they try to take a mile...

2008-11-26T00:32:00.004-05:00

so of course the inevitable occurred because my childs father is so GODDAMN predictable lol. due to the thxgiving holiday there is no school for the rest of the week, however i do have to work tomorrow so **** said he would come get ***** tonight, watch her tomorrow (or should i say dump her over his parents house), visit with some friends/fam on thurs morning and deliver her back home by 2pm for thxgiving dinner with my fam. i agreed figuring that it was a win win situation for everyone...well earlier today i get a ridiculous text message from him asking if i would be willing to give him some ass for his bday (in so many words) to which i replied YEA RIGHT! let me just say here that i am in no way, shape, or form checking for this man right now and probably never will again in life but i digress...anyway this dumb asshole misreads my response thinking i said yea so he replies back all excited like omg thank u!! ur the best!! blah blah and im like PAUSE i didnt agree to nothing i said yea right homie and he resplies back with this lil sad ass text which causes me to simultaneously shake my damn head and laugh my ass off (which is way more complicated than it sounds lol).

fast forward to this evening...he comes to pick up ***** and one of my girlfriends is over so when he walks in the door and spreads his arms out to give me a hug i just keep it moving...bad fuckin move!!! he follows me into my daughters room waking her up and we proceed to get into a half talking/half whispered argument about why i dont want to give him a hug or allow him to play with my hair (hes weird and he likes to play in ppls hair) . so im like dude as usual u cant separate being friends from being romantically involved!!! everytime i try to be nice (giving an inch) he takes it to mean that we are clearly gonna get involved again (trying to take a mile). NOT COOL SON!!!! so hes like ok well then if i cant separate the two why are we going out to lunch why are we blah blah blah and im like well FINEEEE we dont need to do that and he storms out of my apt leaving the door wipe open. i had this big fat ass wig brush in my hand that i started to throw at the back of his square ass head but thats my fav brush...and it cost me $9 so i restrained myself...i go back into my daughters room (who btw was staring at us the whole time this was going down) to explain that her father left...which causes her to burst into tears. ASSHOLE!! i kno u trying to punish me by "leaving me hanging" for a babysitter (which ur not cuz of my sweet gma) but u aint hurting me...ur hurting her dumbass!!!

honestly i feel like ive been very nice to him considering the fact that simply having him in my presence turns my stomach slightly...i mean i had not too long ago vowed to never let him into my apt again so we have def come a long way in the past 2 weeks but us being romantically involved is just not an option...at all...and i kno he's in his feelings but i havent fucked him since may and have showed no interest in him whatsoever...what does it take for someone to catch the hint? when do u grow up and move on? i mean he is turning 32 in like 2 weeks!!! we are not talkin bout a lil 20 year old dude...not even a 25 year old dude...we are talkin bout somone in his 30ssssss acting like this!!!! this is that shit diddy was talkin bout!!!

life and its big ole curveballz

2008-11-24T00:04:00.003-05:00

so get this...i had sex twice this week like omg a new record ok since i stopped dealin with my ex...no really tho let me get to the actual point of this post lol. sooooo the craziest thing happened to me yesterday...my ex my shitty as piece of shit baby daddy asked me about getting married...and having a baby (not necessarily in that order) ...and i mean soon like this month. ha! can u believe that shit?? now ive always figured that he was over the moon about me due to the way he started loosing his damn mind when he found out i was really dealing with other people and broke things off with him BUT after all the dumb bullshit he put me thru these past couple months....what the HELL is he thinking? i was like dude are u serious? funniest part is that last year around this time he told me the same thing i mean almost down to the exact day. i completely stopped talkin to the married dude and and everything (he was just engaged dude at that time and we had only expressed our mutual feelings for each other at this point) and let me tell u that was a shitty time period for us both and didnt last long at all lmao lmao...anyway back to reality...at this point my thoughts couldnt be further from anything me/him related...other than our child of course but i hated his damn guts...trying to get past that now cuz it aint too healthy but i cant even fathom goin down that road again it would be like starting over from scratch but really not cuz of all the history...if that makes any sense. i was really speechless after that conversation and afterwards he proceeded to send me texts like...i cant wait to spend the rest of my life with u!!! which i couldnt respond to cuz i was uhhh...busy (wink wink lol) but i found it all interesting nonetheless. i got out of that by saying i am not ready for none of that (hes def a dude u gotta let down easy).

uh...ive been tagged?

2008-11-20T21:51:00.006-05:00

well since ive been tagged by mrs mary mack i have no choice but to do this...right?

rules:
1. link to the person that tagged u and post the rules on ur blog
2. share 7 weird/random facts about urself
3. tag 7 random ppl at the end of ur post and include links to their blogs
4. let each person kno that they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog

here goes nothin:
1. i got champagne taste on a beer budget...wish it was different but its not so i scrape all my lil pennies together to sustain my additction. i stay up in arden b and bebe (those are my top 2 ultimate favs) and ive got 2 REAL LV bags and 2 REAL gucci bags (one that cost about $2000) and i got my eye on one scrumptious lil bag which can be seen here
those who know me know that i will have that bag soon....probably (hopefully) by jan. my closet is huge and color coordinated...so is my daughters (well hers is way smaller but coordinated nonetheless). multiple ppl have tried to talk to me about this "problem" and its one of the reasons me and my daughters father couldnt take it to the next level (i stress the word ONE).

2. i do not make friends easily...though i have made a few new friends over the years most of my friends i have known for over 10 years (yea thats right since we were about 13/14 yrs old). the fact that im reallyyyyyyy quiet upon meeting new people is probably one of the reasons (some would call that being shy). i dont think i am a quiet person at all but ive been called that many times.

3. my gma and gdad raised me for reasons i will not discuss in this post (maybe at a later date). i had a rough childhood and hated my mom for yearssssssss...was pretty indifferent towards my dad (papa was a rollin stone its in my ancestry). i love and get a long with them both now which i think we are all happy about.

4. im a natural redhead. yep a black girl with red hair and freckles....weird right? well u would think so but every damn where i go somebody is like omg do u have a sister? i kno a girl that looks just like u!!! well yea i have 4 sisters (and 4 brothers see told yall papa was a rolling stone...ive also got 1 lil bro who shares the maternal gene) but none of my sisters look like me so nah that aint my sister u seen slim. based on the beautiful specimen that resulted from the meeting of their egg and sperm i told my parents that they should have had like 5 more kids we woulda been the handsomest family in america...

5. ive been to the domincan republic, the virgin islands, the bahamas, the cayman islands, puerto rico, and when i was about 5 my grandparents took me and my cuz on a cruise thru the panama canal lol...i would love to visit greece (#1 on my list), mexico, italy, india, morocco, and egypt before i die! i love to travel but have not been able to do so in a while :(

6. i can remember all the way back to when i was about 5 years old...i kno someone who said they can remember back to when they were a baby (they claim they remember being picked up out of the crib and everything but i digress cuz this post is supposed to be about me). anyway...most of those memories aint so great but it is what it is. the eyes are the windows to the soul right?

7. ahhhhhh finally. i love sweets. loveeeeee sweets. i could eat sweets and snacks all day and miss all regular meals and not care...and i dont exercise. no physically activity whatsoever...except for ....u kno...and i dont even get to do that too often...but it all explains why im so.....ah thick...around the midsection...and in the hips...legs...boobs (which im forever being teased about), and my face is a lil chubbier than i would like. but apparently i aint that bothered by it cuz i refuse to get on a real diet and start exercising (i mean i have in the past and done so with great vigor but just cant do it right now). im actually pondering some plastic surgery to get rid of the belly and back love handles (u kno under the bra strap?) so i can maintain my beyonce thickness lol but im actually scared to be put "under" and not to mention its expensive as hell but we'll see.

soooooo to fulfill the last requirement of this chain letter of sorts (whatever u wanna call it) i gotta tag 7 people...and i apologize in advance folks (and i dont even kno some of yall like that but i do enjoy ur blogs!). those lucky peeps are...creative star, tlc, j-skittle, aaron4prez, karrieb, don, and pink....

i started to tag my girl sophisticated lady but then i thought the married dude might go to her blog which would lead him to my blog and im not ready for him to read my blog just yet...check her out tho shes just getting started! damn that took wayyyyyy longer than i anticipated.

my tat iches...and im sick...bleh

2008-11-18T23:24:00.010-05:00

i got a new tat on fri...a lower back tat so ive officially been tramp stamped heyyyyyy. this makes 10 and unless i find some really compelling reason to get something else this will be it for '08 hehehe. my gma said im turning into one big ass tattoo and my friends have started callin me kat von d from miami ink. ive never posted a pic in my posts but heres one of my new ink which has started healing and is itching like hell...plz ignore my back fat thanksssssss lol.

the married guy calls it lovelockdown cuz not only is my heart under lock and key but if anyone gets too close my heart can just fly away lol. anyway i really love my new tat and the guy who did it (and the last one) cuz he is excellent!!! almost cried like a baby on this one tho...

im also sick ahhhhhhhhhhh whyyyyyyy. i hate being sick...the headaches, the watery eyes, the runny nose...it all sucks...ass.

on a random sidenote i love love love the real housewives of atl and cannot wait for the finale lol...oh yea why were there snow flurries in the dc metro area today?? why? apparently im in such a state of shock cuz in my mind its still sept however i am very excited about thanksgiving dinner...i plan on gaining at least 2 pounds on that glorious day!! and im hosting at my place...cool right?

random ass post

2008-11-13T10:10:00.003-05:00

this post is gonna be entirely random so enjoy...

with all the bashing ive done of my childs father let me say one good thing...on tues when he dropped her off he gave me a stack of 20s and i was shocked and happy but disturbed at the same time...he knows i went to go talk to a detective in the check/fraud division on tues (who is like 45 and was checkin for me and we exchanged numbers cuz i thought that would help my cause and he called me that evening like a damn square...total L7). anywayyyyyy he said he made a 'good faith effort' and now wants me to make a move. heres my prob...since the det is all in love i guess i could ask him to delay or even cancel the investigation at this point but because my security clearance could be affected by a fucked up credit score if i do cancel the case and **** screws me over yet again what the hell am i gonna tell my job????

speaking of my job there is a guy (an old ass guy) who reminds me soooo much of my grandfather who by the way is no longer with us so its a tad freaky (me and my cuz that works with me have agreed on this point) so he is retiring and i asked him was he having a retirement party and that conversation ended with him saying he was only gonna have one if it included me dancing on a pole. yes i almost pissed myself when he said that. so i saw him yesterday and i was wearing a dress that was a lil shorter than i thought it was gonna be and he stops by in passing to say good morning, sees my legs and says oh u got them big legssss out i gotta sit down for this one then proceeds to sit at my desk and try to hold a conversation. it was like my granddad was hitting on me...odd. now there is another guy who works here that is so damn FINE me and my gfriend sit around trying to figure out ways to kidnap him and run a train on that ass.

yesterday my pseudo-boyfriend went to lunch and i could tell that he was going with someone else...im not dumb and he aint that slick (his wife cant be the sharpest crayon in the box or maybe they have an open relationship but thats a wholeeeee 'nother post) so when he gets back to his desk he calls me and i ask him who he went to lunch with and he avoided that fucking question like the plague....interesting...so i ask again in a joking way cuz i aint about to seem all pressed and he dodges the question again so now im thinkin he tryin to hide something. so we talked about it last night and all he says is i see where u coming from and it wont happen again (yet still no answer on who he went to lunch with) so im copping major attitude today on email which prompts him to call and we talkin and he brings it up again and hes like well do u still wanna kno who it was and i say nope (will not be giving him the satisfaction of that one) so then hes like what u think im cheating on u which makes me break out into a fit of hysterical laughter and i somehow manage to say in between giggles that the answer to that question is always YES. he then says u knooooooo what im talkin bout and im like i dont kno what u do on that side of town (same company different building/location). then he tries to reassure me that hes not...what the hell is this and why tha fuck did he get married. its like that usher/tameka shit like does she have somethin on that ass or what? i mean what is it...now that is a question i want answered.

school sucks when u only in it for the refund checks and to get ur other student loans deferred which u adding to with all the new refund checks hahahaha. i got two term papers dude in like a week and a half ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

that damn facebook

2008-11-12T10:08:00.001-05:00

well facebook got me again folks...last week, in light of the huge amounts of drama that i, my cuz, and my bestest friend have been goin thru with our baby daddies i wrote a simple note on facebook that turned into the biggest thing since obama being named president elect...seriously. here is the note that caused all the hoopla:

u can call a spade a spade
hey what do u call a motherfucker that dont take care of his kids? what do u a motherfucker that intentionally makes shit difficult for the mother of his child(ren)? what about his retarded ass family who makes excuses for him and supports all his bitch ass moves? then people wanna say that the black woman aint supporting the black man like she should, got a fucked up attitude, and mad at the world well when yall motherfuckers stop killing us spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically then shit maybe...just maybe we can all climb outta this hole that we in. if u a man and u dont take care of ur responsibilities fuck u cuz u aint worth shit and if u a family member who makin excuses for that piece of shit and dont check him then fuck u too.

now...the note was written out of frustration with whats been going on with me and people that i care about but i didnt direct it to anyone specifically cuz i knew that there were a lot of people that could also relate to that note and there were...i got tons of comments and walls post proving so plus i didnt wanna specifically put anyone out there....i mean for what?? everything i said in that note ive said to my daughters father and without all the cuss words ive said it to HIS father during one of our many.....ah...heated discussions on the situation. of course my cuz and my bestest made comments pertaining to their own situations and someones name was put out there...eek! this freakin note got sent to peoples parents ok!!!!!!! who in turn got upset (naturally) and everyone had something to say. when i tell u that it got back to my own gma thats when u know its SERIOUS!!!!! whattttttttt???? i even exchanged words with my daughters young ass aunt and i honestly had to compose myself cuz i really could go to jail for flinging her lil young ass some damn where. amazing...sat was soooooo not cool

the EX factor

2008-11-09T13:26:00.003-05:00

my ex (who just so happens to be my childs father) refuses to admit that our situation went sour quick when he found out i was having sex with other ppl...instead he just keeps sayin over and over that i "got out of pocket" lol lol he also is distraught (but also wont admit) at the fact that i havent had sex with him in monthsssssss and refuse to do so. he keeps trying to entice me into havin sex with him but it only makes him look more and more desperate...based on the things that he's done over the past few months (not even gonna focus on anything that happened prior to may 08) i couldnt bring myself to ever go there again and he has yet to deal with that reality...unfortuantely for us both.

im takin my daughter to chuck e cheese today for a birthday party and for the record i hate chuck e cheese....a bunch of screaming kids running around a hot ass room with a man dressed in a huge rat suit?? sounds like fun right!! fuck it im wearing heels just like i do everwhere else holla!!

untitled

2008-11-03T21:07:00.008-05:00

a while ago i declared that me and the married dude were in a "pseudo-relationship" cuz that was really the only way to accurately describe the situation and it really...fits...and he liked it so it stuck.

ive been spending more and more time uh "interacting" with my pseudo-boyfriend and the other night we were at the park talking (again) about how crazy the chemistry is and has been since day one and how things would be if he was "unattached" as he calls it. so all this got me to thinking about soul mates...do you believe that there is one person in this world that was designed just for you and that upon meeting that person you would instantly recognize it and live happily ever after?? do happy endings (um noooo not THOSE kinds of happy endings lol) really exist or do people just settle for whats in their face at a given time and try to make it right?

not too long ago (as ashamed as i am to admit this) i thought i was gonna be with my daughters father forever and when i was about 20/21 i would have married him in a heartbeat (even tho i knew a few things were a lil off..hell a lot off)...now...uhhhh not so much. had i married that bitch then i'd probably be ready to kill myself right about now. that would have been settling for real and in my opinion settling almost surely equals misery in some way, shape, or form...

so i said all that to come back to this one question...is my soul mate married to someone else and if he is God reallyyyyyyy has a hell of a sense of humor...

oh...shot out to my girl LJ who shat out a 6/7 pound load last week! congrats honey!!!

love & marriage

2008-10-21T22:15:00.004-04:00

here are the top 5 reasons i do and do not wanna get married (in no particular order)

why i wanna...
* so i can have someone to help me carry grocery bags and shit into the house
* so i can buy a house to carry the grocery bags into
* so i can get fucked on a regular basis
* all that fuckin is gonna lead to more kids which i want but i REFUSEEEEE to get impregnated again unless im married
* love and companionship

why i dont wanna...
* men can be such assholes
* compromise, compromise, compromise
* knowin that u gotta wake up to the same MF for the next 30+ years
* men are cheaters and a wedding ring dont stop nobodys show
* the married people i see out and about just look so fuckin miserable

colgate smile

2008-10-16T22:19:00.003-04:00

why is it that every time i go to the dentist i feel like im in fuckin saw or hostile or some shit (by the way saw v is coming out next week lol whats up with that)?? i got my mouth all twisted open with people stickin all different types of torture devices into my poor mouth...damn. its bad enough u gotta go every 6 months throw a cavity in the mix and its a wrap but i guess i do have to maintain my wonderful smile i mean a lot of people depend on it to get them thru their day hahahaha. anyway my dentist is this hot asain dude so that kinda makes up for some stuff but one of the hygientists in there today was this black chick with some damn fingerwaves and a big ass bun on top of the finerwaves kinda comin out the side of her head. as i laid there in slight discomfort gettin drilled i couldnt stop lookin at that shit i just kept thinkin to myself wtf is that? i just found that hilarious for some reason...so moral of the story...people plz take care of your teeth...you only get one set ya dig?

not black enough?

2008-10-08T23:29:00.004-04:00

today my lil 6 year old grown ass woman of a daughter told me that i wasnt black. she goes to after care (duh cuz im a full time workin single mom) at her school which is prodominately white (duh cuz we live in northern va now) and when i walked in to get her they called out to tell her that her mom was here. so she tells me that this lil boy was like thats not ur mom! i mean hello i'm clearly white and shes black right? so im like what did u say? shes like i just told him that u were my mom. so im like well i am black and she gets this funny smile on her face and says......NO UR NOT. i start laughing and im like yes i am and so she relents and says ok maybe a lil but not much. so the whole time im trying to explain to her that black people come in all shades and colors im thinkin to myself damn this shit starts early.

poor thing but i know shes not alone in her confusion. red hair and freckles...it dont get much whiter than that.

true loves kiss

2008-10-07T20:30:00.004-04:00

my most favoritist disney movie of all time was released today and i am so happy!! i waited like two yrs for them to release this movie on dvd and i have it...finally. yes its the ultimate love story....sleeping beauty

i went to target right after work looking for it and of course it was sold out i was beyond pissed i was tired and my damn feet was hurting but i faithfully made my way over to good ole circuit city and there it was...the last of only a few copies...

hmmm im still waiting on true loves kiss to wake me from my endless slumber

adventures at the dominican salon

2008-10-04T22:33:00.003-04:00

eh....so not impressed. up until today i had never been to a dominican salon. ive heard a lot about them and knew a lot of people who went to them but never experienced it myself. well hey why should i? my girl works the hell outta my hair for a mere $35 and in this recession thats damn awesome. plus she's real cool and speaks ENGLISH so you dont have to worry bout nobody tryin to smoke you in some foriegn language (ive had enough of that at the nail shop).

anyway...i took my daughter there today and after a lil over 3 hrs and $45 (neither of which can i ever get back again in life) she came out with her hair lookin like something i could have done at home with my bitchin ass flat iron that i scored for real cheap a while back (that flat iron is the truth). dont get me wrong they know how to do some serious curls but as far as what they call "straight" i wasnt feelin it.

i should have taken that as a sign that the rest of my day was gonna be a bunch of bullshit...

its tha 1st of tha monthhhhhh

2008-10-01T19:57:00.004-04:00

get up get up get up cash ur checks and come onnnnnnnnn lol

seeing as how today is october 1st i just wanted to say that i really hate handing over a bunch of money to my rental office every month. on the other hand peace of mind, privacy, and the ability to do whatever the fuck i want when i want is PRICELESS. on the real tho i could be buying 1 gucci bag a month instead of paying rent....priorities right? right!

well whadda know....

2008-09-30T23:56:00.000-04:00

complaints filed with the better business bureau really do go somewhere other than up some low life scum bag's ass...interesting. i got a call back in about 2 business days and i was pleasantly surprised (which rarely happens). the fact that someone actually called me back to talk to me about my complaint and go over my account with me kinda made me feel empowered or some shit...yall know thats the new "it" word right? so i ask you good people to empower yourselves the next time you feel like a company has screwed you over and file a complaint with the bbb...its easy, quick, and painless...sort of like your first bikini wax (okkkk maybe not).

i also got my first facebook recognition in public...of course it was last week when i was at the courthouse mean muggin every man up in the joint but hey whatever thats a good look!

speaking of facebook i was befriended by some random person (yes i approve all friend requests unless u look like a total weirdo) and come to find out its the gfriend of one of my male friends tryin to get to the bottom of his lyin ass ways. and since im keeping score thats twice so far this year that ive been approached by some poor...woman (?) tryin to find out the status of my relationship with her man. ladies plz do not do this...even if he is lyin u aint about to find out from me plus it just makes u look desperate and insecure like a motherfucker. thank GOD i aint fuck his dumb ass...now she could be lyin about their two year relationship but more than likely not. i had a feeling about him which is why i only called him over to put up shelves and pictures and shit in my new place. well u can have him back now im all settled in.

bITch oN A MIssioN

2008-09-24T20:37:00.000-04:00

so yesterday i roll up to courthouse and head over to the child support enforcement office. i sign myself in and wait (i even saw someone i knew in line behind me hehe). after about 30 mins i realized that black MF wasnt gonna show up so i sat and waited for them to call my name to see what they were gonna say. they call me and tell me that **** called up there and said that he is no longer a resident of md but lives in ATL now. are u serious? i had to stop myself from screamin all types of big cuss words at the sheriff and calmly asked him what the next step was. he mumbled some bullshit and i stormed out of there PISSED. i was so pissed i could have slapped some random ass person and got my ass arrested right at the courthouse. i went to talk to a lawyer (they have them there for free at the courthouse) and he gave me some ok advice so i followed it. i went and filed for a protective order based on the shit thats been going on for the past few weeks. i had to go in front of a judge and everything...i think the email reference **** made to yvette cade (the woman who was set on fire by her ex in md not too long ago) was enough to get me the protective order but get this...temp protective orders are only for 1 week. within that week they will try to serve him with papers to return to courthouse next week...if they cant find his dumb ass i gotta go back every single week to extend the protective order until they can find him and serve him. wow...why make it so hard for someone to get a freakin protective order???? does that shit make sense? im supposed to take off every single week to go up there and have them tell me to come back next week?????? i was then advised to seek full custody of my daughter but get this...it cost $100 just to file the paperwork and i gotta get a lawyer which is gonna cost me about 2K at the very least and if he ducks and dodges court dates like i know he will thats just gonna make me come out the pockets even more. plus i know hes gonna fight that shit til the end.

sooooooo i finally leave the courthouse after being there for about 5 hrs and head to the police station to handle these fuckin credit cards. so after a lil bit of the usual run around i realize i gotta file a police report for identity theft. so i do that and the funniest fuckin thing happened at the police station....this dude and his ride or die chick came in there to get some details about a case...

dude that looked like crusty toes: the police aint shit
ride or die chick: yea fuck 'em
dude that looked like crusty toes: yea fuck all 'em (looks at me) except miss lady here. miss lady are u a police officer??
me: hehehehe
dude that looks like crusty toes: (looks at ride or die chick) i mean are we together right now or what?
ride or die chick: LOL LOL LOL u stupid!!!
dude that looks like crusty toes: thats y i luv u!!!!

he then proceeded to tell me how beautiful i was and tried to get my digits right in her face after they was standing right there talkin bout how they was getting each others names tatted on their necks and all that. wowwwwww. i made up some fake number and prayed to GOD they got tha hell outta there with the quickness. when they left she was like "bye girl" in a tone like girlllll he do this all the time. as they walked out the officer who was writing up my report looked at me and raised an eyebrow. i wanted to scream out I DID NOT GIVE THAT UGLY MF MY PHONE NUMBERRRRRRR but i didnt...i was having a rough enough day as it was and this was pure comedic relief.

by the way...if someone ever steals your identity and you know who it is contact the credit card companies IMMEDIATLY DO NOT PASS GO DO NOT COLLECT $200!!!! do not confront the person in question, do not ask them to pay the shit back, do not tell them to give u any money to pay the shit off........i was told by one credit card company today that doin so means u accept the debt and it cant be considered fraud!!!! can you believe that shit! so u can open up a credit card in someone elses name, run it up, and say the hell with it and if the person confronts u then it aint fraud! u hear that criminals of the world!!!! yes its true. fuck them and my complaint to the bbb better do somethin about my damn complaint!!!

back to school...night

2008-09-17T23:06:00.000-04:00

tonight was back to school night....ahhhhh back to school u can feel the change in the air. time to bring out all the cute sweaters and boots and shit. back to school night is always a perfect reminder that im young as shit with a child in elementary school and that im oh so single lol. i start thinkin to myself where are all the hot dads and then i start looking around and all i see is a sea of wedding bands and im like wtf??? but then i remember...not everyone does it ass backwards. love then marriage then baby...thats how the rhyme goes right? fuck that i wanna go to back to school night for once and see at least 5 sexy mofos that im trying to get stuck in detention with.

Jhud is supposed to be performing in dc on friday (good morning america) and my neighbor/coworker wants me to go to the concert with him and his friends only catch is he trying to get out there at 4am. 4am...first of all my eyes are gonna have bags and dark circles going all the way around them not just under them at that ungodly hour! shit man i dont kno about that one i mean i dont even think i could do that for my job let alone a damn Jhud concert. we shall see about that one.

on a side note dont cheat ur feet! im in serious need of a mani/pedi...serious. i found this spot in shirlington that ima check out soon tho.

7 deadly sins

2008-09-16T10:45:00.000-04:00

envy is one of the 7 deadly sins and i think im guilty as charged! ive been secretly (or not so secretly) lusting after another womans husband and for the most part having my way with him. ive been hating her and wishing that by some random miracle he would realize the huge mistake he made, drop her, and we would live happily ever after. well lets just say that probably wont happen and lets also say that i might feel a slight teensy weensy little bit guilty. i think it was a conversation i had with my gma that put me over the edge

me: omg! mom **** confronted my friend from work while he was leaving my apt
my gma: the one thats MARRIED?
me: yea (reluctantly)
my gma: well what was he doing over there?
me: DEAD SILENCE.......
my gma: so u mean to tell me u cant find someone thats single???
me: DEAD SILENCE.......

well ive made up my mind that im not gonna pursue him ANYMORE!!! now if he comes on to me well i cant be held responsible for my actions.

speaking of deadly sins target should be listed as #8. fuck walmart, kmart, and all those other bootleg discount chain stores. target is the shit and i am compelled to spend money there. u can walk up and down the aisles in amazement putting all types of shit in your cart imagining all the great things you are gonna do with your new purchases....or is that just me? im almost embarrassed to admit how much money ive spent in that damn place particularly since i got my new place. ok well theres 2 things i gotta cut back on....

oh yea i started my grad classes...two MF 10 page papers due this semester.

it could all be so simple

2008-09-14T21:32:00.001-04:00

just to go over all the bullshit thats been happening this past week...

monday: my dumb bitch ass BD caught the married dude coming out my building and confronted him (while my daughter was in the car with him) and tells him that if he dont get me to drop the cs case he is gonna come to the married dudes house and confront him and his wife blah blah and basically just raise havok in their lives again. funny thing is the married dude called me to and had the balls to ask me bout the case and if i could drop it. damn no backbone once again. for real he should have beat the shit out of **** and kept it moving. i mean what kinda punk shit is this?

tuesday: **** pops up at my place unnannounced talkin bout he gotta drop off some damn fundraising packet that was in left in his car...are u fuckin serious? u cant be.

wednesday: i saw the married dude and it was soooooo awkward. here we go again shit.

thursday: **** comes over to see my daughter (outside of course cuz he aint allowed in) and when i tell him times up his dumb ass asks me if my daughter can eat her lunch on the balcony so that he can stand on the sidewalk below and talk to her while she eats. now what kind of dumb retarded ass shit is that? i swear that is hands down the most retarded thing i've ever heard. my cuz said that if she was a neighbor and had seen that shit she would have called the police like yea theres a pedophile outside trying to get at a lil girl on her balcony.

friday: **** sent me numerous emails in which he made a reference to yvette cade (the battered woman from MD whose ex set her on fire while she was at work) so i got pissed and emailed his parents a nasty email. he then sent out an email from my old email address (that i cancelled back in feb 08) to a bunch of random ass ppl with "inappropriate" pics of me. BITCHHHHHH so i wrote up a nice lil letter and mailed it to his pastor. this situation continues to get ugly.

we go to cs court on sept 23rd and clearly the closer we get to that date the worse this situation has gotten. **** has made all types of promises to me even saying that he would gladly disappear forever if i drop the cs case but i doubt that. at this point he willing to tell me anything.

i never really intended for this blog to be a timeline of fucked up ass shit thats going on between me and my BD but it kinda has and that sucks. i wanted to use this blog to find the humor in life and just put some of my crazy thoughts down and hope that people would find my blog, read it, and keep coming back for more. im not sure if im accomplishing that or not.

today was a GOOD day

2008-09-05T21:10:00.000-04:00

today we had an all day cookout/picnic at my job and it was pretty cool...i got to see all my friends and some ppl i hadnt seen in a while and everyone was just chillin out and any day at work when theres no work is not just a good day but a great one! plus all those hot and sweaty men on the basketball court was a good look...oh and that bitch nigga left me alone today. hallelujah!!

last week i told the married dude that i loved him...yea as in the romantic type so yesterday he tried to bring up that conversation and i tried to act like i didnt know what he was talking about which caused him to get kinda pissed off. so that conversation was picked up today and led to even more confusion in the situation and more conversations about us going to hell if u get my drift. i told him i thought we were all going to hell (seriously? seriously!). i feel bad but then i dont. its hard to feel bad when ur doing something that u wanna do even if its wrong and im not forcing him to do anything he doesnt wanna do i mean he is initiating a lot of this too. seriously if we gonna do the "just friends" bit we are gonna have to be serious about it cuz right now our actions are clearly contradicting a straight up platonic relationship. its like whenever we are around each other all bets are off and thats cool or whatever but i cant have the same conversation like every week and keep talking about this shit until its just done like some damn roadkill or something...and we have done that before. i told him that since he is the one in the situation (i.e. marriage) then he is gonna have to make a decision that he is comfy with and can live with and then we will go from there but he said i cant put it all on him...so we are sleeping on it. this is just kinda shitty cuz it was getting pretty good. story of my life.

Updates

2008-09-03T22:33:00.000-04:00

on saturday i didnt wanna get out of the bed but i made myself get the hell up. life goes on right? well in light of the internal pain i was in i decided to inflict some external pain on myself and get a new tat. ive been wanting a new tat for about a month and as they say theres no time like the present. i also dragged a friend with me who was/is also going thru some man trouble and she got something small (im almost done devirginalizing everyone i kno with no tats lol). so i sat for about 2 hrs and had my skin dug into with needle and ink but it looks so good and it totally took my mind off all the bullshit and gave me something else to talk about for a while. the rest of my weekend was spent hanging with my wonderful friends, hitting up cookouts, and trying to enjoy the last official weekend of the summer....and everything was great until monday evening.

so my daughters father took our daughter to the beach for the weekend and was supposed to bring her home at 8pm monday night since she had to go to school the next morning (i asked him to bring her home earlier but he said no). so about 7 he calls me like yea im at your house so im like well too bad im out and im not gonna be home for like another hr or so. i then told him he could meet up with my cuz who was right by my house and was spending the night at my place and he refused (obviously since there is the drama thats going on between them). so we argued for a second and i decided that i would just go get my daughter and then go back to what i was doing since i was just getting something to eat with my friends. of course he wouldnt answer his phone so i go get something to eat and about an hour later go outside to call him back or see if he had left me a message or anything (there was no service in the restaurant). so he calls me like immediately and starts going off talkin bout im clearly not ready to be a mother and i let my daughter down i should have just dropped everything that i was doing to meet him and he was just gonna keep her and take her to school in the morning. now like i explained to him he was supposed to call me on the way back from the beach to give me a better time frame but he didnt and ended up showing up an hr earlier than we discussed like im supposed to be sitting around twiddling my damn thumbs! then im like who is gonna do her hair, she needs clean clothes, etc so what the fuck. he told me he had it and that was it and start going on me so i hang up on him. later when i left i called him back to see where they were and he didnt answer i called him for a straight hr and he wouldnt answer so he finally calls me back and is like they are staying at one of his female friends' house in reston blah blah so im like where the fuck yall at by this time i was beyond pissed...like i could have killed him pissed. im like bitch u need to tell me where yall at NOW. so he kept saying he didnt know the exact address so i said ok u refused to bring her home, u refuse to tell me where she is, and u got her at someone's house so u just off the charts right now. so i was like ima fix this bitch and i calmly called the non emergency number and asked for an officer to come over. he came over took my statement, gave me a case number and was like yea this is real dumb for him to do right before yall due in CS court. EXACTLY. the next morning i hear a knock on the door at like 730 and its them she got on dirty clothes and her hair looks a mess...mind u school starts promptly at 8am. so i start running around trying to get her ready or whatever finally get her dropped off and on my way out the school there he is waiting at the front door talkin bout did she get settled in ok? i just walkd on past cuz i knew if i even looked at his ugly black face i might just pop off and end up catching a charge. so i go back in the house and me and my cousin talking bout everything this bitch calls me like 30 times nonstop. im like u cant be serious i turned my phone off for a while, turned it back on and it started ringing immediately. then my cousin screams out that she saw his car drive by and im like u lying...i just didnt believe it lol then i see him drive by again and im like ohhhhh shit. so like 5 minutes later he calls me at the call box like yea buzz me up and i was like fuckkkkkk no and hang up. so he starts calling me like come downstairs or buzz me up and i was like hell no what is there to discuss?? he is totally out of pocket and im just done with him altogether. my cousin gets freaked out and calls the police again lol so they come but it aint really much they can do cuz he aint there by this time so they just like i need to work this thru the courts blah blah so im like ok cool. i just had to take a nap after all this bullshit it was just too much so i wake up and he calls me like ok im picking her up after school and then i will drop her off so i was like whatever and then hes like what yall doing later and im like nothing we will just be at home and he has the nerve to ask me if he can take us out to dinner thats when i had to just say nigga please cuz its like no response u can really give. so then his dumb ass is like so yall not gonna eat dinner? i said oh WE are gonna eat i dont know what the fuck u gonna do! he is so fucking dumb. ive honestly never hated anyone more than ive hated him. he is just determined to press all of my buttons at the same exact time and i am so tired of him. i just wanna live my life and not have to worry bout some crazy ass MF stalking me and trying to use my child against me...its just not cool. not to mention all the other shit that he's been doing. ugh...i cant even stand when someone mentions his name matter fact i dont want anyone to even say something that begins with the letter s how bout that. BITCH!

me and the married dude are cool...we talked all weekend just acting like nothing happened and i saw him today but he said i was acting weird. i didnt think so but who knows. he still wants me.

This Sucks...Ass

2008-08-29T21:19:00.000-04:00

have u ever fucked someone that u really liked thinking that it was gonna be great and it really wasnt? in fact, it was like the opposite of great? well i have...twice actually and it sucks. you spend all this time thinking about how its gonna be all perfect like in the movies and shit and then in reality its almost like yall aint even sexually compatable. how is this even allowed to happen? you know what else sucks? when you wanna be with someone and for whatever reason you cant. you might even love that person but it just aint meant to be and when you finally come to that harsh realization it sucks...and it hurts...bad. but this is the real world and the real world fucking sucks at times...what can you do? nothing but keep doing what you do and hope for the best.

so married dude wants to read my blog and i wont let him which is crazy cuz im more open with him than ive been with anyone in a long time but i talk about him so much on here its kinda embarassing like ive got some kind of wierd fixation with him or something...i dont but clearly hes like my favorite topic right now. today after some things went down we decided that we need some bondaries within our relationship (our friendship) which is cool and very much needed but i wasnt too happy. i guess the only thing that would really make me happy is if he told me that he was getting a divorce and that we were gonna be together forever but that aint happening instead all i got was a sore vagina and a conversation that almost had me in tears. but he said that he cares about me and doesnt wanna hurt me or be hurt so we had to draw a line in the sand (well maybe a few lines).

oh yea there was no meeting with any new girlfriend which i knew was gonna happen anyway but whatever. as much time and energy as he puts into being all up my asshole it would be impossible for him to be serious about anyone. my daughters father is an asshole and a little bitch.

Food for Thought

2008-08-27T00:27:00.000-04:00

last friday my cuz got laid off...at the end of the day they basically told her to pack her shit and kick rocks ASSHOLES! in the aftermath i really realized how thankful i am to have a "good ole gov'ment job" even tho it totally drains me, i contemplate leaving all the time, and im way too cute to be sitting in some cave staring at a computer screen for 7...er...um..9 hrs a day. what gets me thru my day? well for starters laughing at all the ugly ass MFs tryin to get at me as well those trying to get with my girl and my other cuz that i work with. hilarious. seriously tho these dudes be thinkin that they have a chance when they dont...can they not see that i only have eyes for one person at work ok make that two people lol but mysteriously they are both in relationships. hmmmm is this a conspiracy? am i the butt of some secret joke? well they say that all the good ones are taken maybe there is some truth to that statement. today my cuz (that i work with) hung out with me and married dude and after he left she told me that we disgust her and are totally in love with each other. life can be shitty at times.

i realized today that ive really been smokin some of my poor little male friends...you know the ones that you just hang with to pass the time? the ones you fake a lil interest in to keep them thinkin they mightttttt get some pussy although you have already made it up in your mind that they wont even get to smell it let alone get in it. ok yea those. i need to show those dudes some love i guess.

oh and my diet sucks...ever since friday when my cuz (that i work with) came over and we decided to do a lil cheating things just havent been the same lol. that day was great however, and we walked around the grocery store drooling over the snacks and sniffing containers of baked goods like 2 pineapple express rejects. people stared at us as we giggled and piled all types of shit in the cart, even stopping to compare how much icing was on each cinnamon roll before we chose the one we wished to purchase and devour. it was so wrong yet so right...im trying to get back on the wagon.

Lifes A Beach

2008-08-24T23:32:00.000-04:00

yesterday i went to the beach and acted as if i hadnt a care in the world...it was great. there was not a single cloud in the sky and i got burned like a MF...needless to say im walkin around looking like a GD lobster or some shit. its all good except i feel asleep with this damn band on my arm so my tan is gonna look weird lol and if i keep this up my chest is gonna look like leather in about 20 yrs but i digress. taking a child to the beach can be so nerve wracking especially when u try to take said child out into the water with them on your back, get knocked down by a huge wave, panic cuz u think said child will surely drown and be washed out to sea before u can even get your ass up, and then when u frantically jump up out of the water your breasts are totally exposed lol lol...i dont think anyone noticed and she was up and out of the water before i was however i may have inadvertently traumatized her for life.

last night i had a dream about married dude. for some reason we were at my gmas house and i think my father was there...weird. anyway we were all having a good ole time when me and him walked outside cuz one of my chicas was coming to pick me up. when i got in the car she asked him about his pregnant wife and he got all excited talkin about how they were having a boy etc etc. then something was said about her quitting smoking and he said of course and they were doing everything in their power to make sure they had a healthy happy baby. his face was just totally lit up and i was disgusted. i woke up cursing his name and the ground he walks on. what tha fuck am i doin to myself? my friends have all told me to get him the hell out of my life...permanently. i dont want to but i might have to even if its just for a little while. i read on oprah.com that if u do not break ties with an ex (yea i know technically hes not my ex but still...) u dont give yourself time to mourn the dead relationship thus making it impossible for u to move on. basically u only hurt yourself in the long run and being "friends" doesnt work. unfortunately im not ready to dead this shit just yet..aparently im a glutton for punishment lol.

ages ago when my daughters father and i officially broke up we agreed that we would not introduce our child to any significant others unless it was very serious and we talked about it with each other first. well he recently discussed a weekend trip he wanted to take with my daughter and his new bitch (?). he says they been dating for like 4 months so im like wtf?? i just dont think its appropriate...if anything thats something that u build up to...i mean damn shes only 6 and she is gonna be confused as hell. not to mention this like the 2nd chick hes wanted to introduce to her in like the last 6 months. anyway he says its real serious so we all supposed to meet up on wednesday. should be interesting if this is for real and actually goes down...we shall see.

Just 4 Shits and Giggles

2008-08-21T23:02:00.000-04:00

engaged dude is now married dude...bastard! seeing him with his ring on makes me want to vomit. am i simply torturing myself or is this better than nothing at all? im cool til i start thinkin bout them actually being together and then i feel like vomiting all over again.

why do all of my male friends wanna fuck me? cant we just be friends?? how come everyone wants to fuck me except the one person i wanna fuck? hmmmm actually i think he does he has that look in his eyes.

labor day is about a week away which means that the summer is pretty much over which also means that i went the whole summer without getting properly fucked. this is the longest ive ever gone without sex in the history of me..having sex...however its clearly by choice not by force which i can almost accept.

diets suck and i'm fucking starving. i dont kno if im just faint from severe hunger but im down a few already. maybe the scale is just broken.

i go to pentagon city mall so much the managers in certain stores know me and give me discounts...shout out to arden b and steve madden.

love is for suckers and being lonely is soooooo played...go figure.

PILF

2008-08-21T00:17:00.000-04:00

LOL here's a list of People I'd Like to Fuck (in no particular order)

1. Dwayne The Rock Johnson...i wanna see "the rock" lol
2. Jason Momoa...yum
3. Robin Thicke...i can be the inspiration for his next song
4. Brad Pitt...i bet angie taught him a whole bunch of freaky shit
5. Michael Jai White...damn i luv a chocolate man..double yum

now here is a list of people i wouldnt fuck with someone else's vag...

1. Michael Jackson...lol i think this one is pretty obvious
2. Diddy...sex for a straight 24 hrs just isnt appealing to me (haha right)
3. Spencer Pratt...that blonde ass pubic hair lookn beard...YUK
4. Michael Phelps...aside from the medals his roided up ass is str8 fugly
5. My baby daddy...lol let that bitch keep beggin

Weight Issues

2008-08-19T08:13:00.000-04:00

so i went out with my friends over the weekend and took lots of pics lol so sunday i'm loading them up on facebook yesssssss facebook and i realize somethin awful......ive gained A LOT of weight over the past few months. clearly all the coldstone cakes, fruit rollups, cookies, pizzas and shit have caught up with me damn. this aint cute how am i supposed to get into all my cute jeans and jackets for the fall???? ahhhhhhhhhhh gotta do something bout this so im back on my crackhead diet...which is basically me surviving on almost nothing. i need to loose at least 20 pounds...25 preferably.

if anyone lives in the dc metro area and struggling to loose weight call dr gupta that shit they slangin works MIRACLES....

Baby Daddy Drama

2008-08-12T21:57:00.000-04:00

its supposed to be the other way around right? well that lil agreement didnt quite work out...he tried to put a gag order basically stating that i could not talk about him positively or negatively in public or private on blogs etc...now how tha fuck is that possible? how are u not supposed to talk about ur other childs parent? makes no sense. anyway this MF wont leave me alone he tried to have sex with me last week even tho he knows thats not gonna happen then on sunday he beggedddddd me to go out with him and his parents for his dads bday and i was like fuck nooooo. then he asked me to come over yesterday so i was like ok fine and we sat there not saying a word to each other then i got pissed and told him to leave. whats really going on here? i tried to explain to this nigga that he is trying to steal life from me and he told me i was exagerating...wow really? ok lets run down all the bullshit **** has been putting me thru

* listening to my phone calls, using spoofers to get me to answer the phone, breaking into my email accounts and sending out embarassing photos of me thru my own damn email account, breaking into my myspace and facebook accounts (still cant get into myspace), obtaining text my text messages, and vmails
* contacting my male friends by phone and email
* slashing the tires of one of my friends while we were out of town for my bday
* threatening me and one of my friends over the phone
* contacting the engaged dude, his fiance, and their friends with emails, texts, etc nonstop trying to "expose" the situation. in these texts and emails he has included emails and texts between me and the engaged dude, the engaged dude's call log and some other shit
* obtaining credit cards in my name, running them up to the limit, and refusing to pay them off...in the sum of about 20K
* getting into real estate deals with my fam and refusing to hold up his end of the bargain resulting in my fam having to pay the mortgages on the properties (plus her own mortgage) whileeeeee he was collecting rent on one of the properties and has his lil man slave/handy man living in the other
* some other lil shit that he wont admit to like for exaple...in the past 2 weeks i have had two random ass transactions posted to my checking account (making payments to things that i didnt authorize) and then my vmail password mysteriously stopped working. of course he didnt admit to any of this but whatever
* putting me down, threatening me, harassing me, etc

so what is a girl to do? how am i supposed to forgive him for all of this shit...shit that is still ongoing. just last monday when the engaged dude was going out of town to get married i get a call from him like yea some more emails came in today with emails between me and u at work and i'm like whattttttt? so what the fuck? he wants us to be friends he talkin bout my attitude is horrible and i need to work on it but im like why tha fuck should i? like i explained to him there are a lot of hurt feelings, a lot of animosity, and just a lot of bad blood.

D-DAY

2008-08-08T18:21:00.000-04:00

today is the day my soulmate dedicates his life to another woman in the presence of God. lol ok well soulmate is kind of a strong word but the guy that i care a lot about is getting married today...i thought about him last night and i wondered if he was nervous...if he was having second thoughts. hell, i wondered if it was still going down period. in the back of my mind i wish that shit had been called off even tho i'm pretty sure it wouldnt make a difference.

now im wondering whats gonna happen when he gets back...is he gonna act different? am i??????

The Black Mans Kryptonite

2008-08-06T17:05:00.000-04:00

is child support the black mans kryptonite??? ive never seen a man more scared then when he gets those papers in the mail. its crazy!!!! dont u think ur trifflin ass should be contributing financially to the care of ur own child(ren)? its disgusting....my childs father got his shit and started loosing his mind i mean this nigga is jeopardizing his freedom and everything. so baby mamas everywhere...exercise ur power and file those mothafuckin papers. see how that bitch feels when they take shit out his check and he left with $50 for the next 2 weeks (oh yes im dead serious).

A Deal With The Devil

2008-08-06T16:54:00.001-04:00

my daughters father has been doin some wack shit to me for the longest (the worst bein the past 6-8 months). after one of our arguments about me gettin my own place he told me that if i move out i better be able to take care of OUR daughter 100% on my own and i was like ok ima fix the shit. i took my happy ass up to the child support office and did what i had to do. he finally got the notice last week and now he scrambling tryin to get me to cancel the shit. anyway he has basically said that he will reconcile all the bullshit thats been goin on (fuckin with my friends and fam, my credit situation thats his fault, and most importantly he is gonna contribute a set amount each month to the care of his child). im tryin to write up this contract like i'm a lawyer or some shit and we goin back and forth makin changes and we gotta get it notarized. i got a feelin that he is gonna go back on his word but i kinda feel obligated to try to resolve this before it gets even uglier or someone gets hurt. sooooooo yea im makin a deal with the devil lmaooooo wish me luck!

Amber-Alert

...

oops

well well well

4 score and 7 years ago

its just emotions (takin me overrrrr)

moveeeee bitch

obsessed

i feel sorry...

how i feel

stay in ur lane LAME

**clears throat**

TAGGED!!!

oohhh baby youuuu...

twitter the anti-blog

im back...again...

neglect.....

good lord...2 in 1 day????

im bizzack...

"LOL"

office politics

SEX...

hmmmm...

Detour

TO SHEENA AND SHAREKA

ramblings = long ass bipolar post

happy bday to me :)

DEATH

update: my baby daddy is CRAZY

thats just my baby daddy (unfortunately)

vday weekend rap up

valentines day

its all about me me me me me...

my life

new blogger alert

everyday...

the male species and other funny ass stories (F.A.S)...

funnies

new blogger alert

snow, stats, and stupidity

what about the children...

hello GOD its me amber...

inaugural wrap up lol

i'll be back

UGH!!!!

a lil bit of this...a lil bit of that

thats just my bady daddy!!!

ramble ramble blah blah

time is NOT on my side

reasons, seasons, and lifetimes

i hate mondays...part duex!

reality bites

goodbye 2008...hello 2009...

im back...with a bang (literally lol)

its late...no title

F.A.S. (men...need i say more??)

Merry Christmas!!!

love/hate

hey YOU

this is me...then

didnt think i could do it but....

i wonder as i wander...

she hATe u

what a difference a day makes...

new post...

F.A.S. (the dc madam)

a case of the mondays...

F.A.S. (2 for the price of 1)

things i have learned over the past few days...

a passion for fashion...

give a MF an inch and they try to take a mile...

life and its big ole curveballz

uh...ive been tagged?

my tat iches...and im sick...bleh

random ass post

that damn facebook

the EX factor

untitled

love & marriage

colgate smile

clears throat